I was hoovering hair out of the fridge yesterday and I got to thinking. Not just that the cat-flap was a bad idea but about other things too. Like how we are now having to import phrases and nicknames for things.
In the Indo today there’s an article about Chelsea Tractors. The closest any Indo reader is going to get to Chelsea is watching soccer on the telly. Show them a map and they wouldn’t be able to point it out. Why can’t we just call them jeeps like we used to? Or better still come up with our own term.
We used to be great at that. Especially the Dubs. Remember the Molly Malone statue became the Tart with the Cart within nanoseconds of being unveiled. The Fluzzie in the Jacuzzi. The Spike. The Daniel Day.
The new Kildare County Council offices in Naas are known as Windowlene. (See the pic and you’ll know why). There’s the Magic Roundabout in Cork.
Dubs who move to the country are called Dulchies. The two new, predominately Dublin inhabited, housing estates near me are called the Occupied Territories.
In the land of Pure Mule the favoured pint is Red Diesel.
We don’t have Chavs. We have Skangers. Skangers arriving back in Dublin airport from their annual pilgrimage to Lanzarote are known as JIFs.
I’m okay with jeep. I’ll tolerate SUV at a push because I can say things like ’shove yer Suv’. But lads, Chelsea Tractors? Chelsea fekin Tractors. No way José (Mourinho or any other José).
Com’on. We need our own name for these yokes. Ideas please.
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It has to have the word “wagon” in it, that’s for sure.
Perhaps prefaced with another word beginning with W.
I have one. It’s seventeen years old. It’s outlasted two or three cars and it runs on vegetable oil. It pulls a heavy trailer for me and I have no plans to replace it soon. It’s as green as a car can get, so why do the Greens hate it?
I can’t answer for the Greens, Bock, but personally I have no problem with yours, not because it’s running on veg oil, but because it’s pulling a trailer.
That’s what they were originally designed for - work.
Fair enough but I’m still a bit worried. Will I have to bring my trailer everywhere with me in case some ego worrier decides to scream at me for destroying the planet?
(Even though his Trabant pumps out about a hundred times the noxious fumes my old jeep does).
I don’t like the way these people jump to conclusions, and I also agree with you. I don’t like the term SUV. If I had a Hi-Ace pickup, nobody would say a word about it.
I suspect that a lot of people out there don’t know one end of an engine from the other and wouldn’t have a clue how to assess the environmental impact of any vehicle.
The term SUV/Chelsea Tractor, whatever, used refer to the large, expensive, air-conditioned, towbar-less 4×4’s driven by fat businessmen and yummy mummies. Machines originally designed for off-road use and for carrying or pulling loads, but ponced-up to the degree that their owners would not dare drive through a puddle, and with rear seats and gelded of their towbars so they would never handle a load.
Large vehicles of any kind, be they trucks, artics, cranes, tractors or jeeps, are dangerous and a hindrance in an urban setting. They are used in these areas because they have to be - to get a job done. But you don’t use a tipper truck to drop the kids to school. (Unless of course, that’s all you have).
The media and authorities have somehow managed to twist the debate into one about engine sizes. Hence those who drive real jeeps and 4×4’s for valid reasons are being tarred with the same brush (as you , Bock, have found) whether they are eco friendly or not.
My own worry is that much talk in the media now is about how SUV’s are not really gas guzzlers and are in fact environmentally friendly. Whether this wins out or not, the real debate about how dangerous these machines are in urban settings will be forgotten.
My post, by the way, was more about why we call them SUV’s (an American term) or Chelsea Tractors (an English one). I am still hoping we can invent our own Irish one.
How about School Trucks?
Yeah, School Trucks. Like that.
How about Mammy’s Massey? Or Metro Masseys? Perhaps the latter is too close to Chelsea Tractors for comfort.