Unlike my previous post about the Rules of the Road, this is serious. Could be deadly serious.

Warning: This a long rambling rant, which has been simmering for a long time and I just need to get it off my chest. If two to three paragraphs is your limit, then go away now.

On 2 June, 2006, Minister for Transport Martin Cullen published Draft Revised Rules of the Road and invited submissions from the public until 30 June.

The revised booklet includes information on new initiatives in road traffic law that have been introduced since the last version of the document was produced. These include the revised metric speed limit system, penalty points and fixed charges, cycles lanes, the Theory Test, the National Car Test, and rules for road users where the LUAS is in operation. The Minister said that road users should be aware that the document reflects the most up to date position with regard to road traffic law.

Strange that the booklet itself states that it is “not an interpretation of the law”.

On 23 October, he published (online) the Post Public Consultation Revised Version. It states that “the overall aim of this booklet is to promote safety, good driving practice and courtesy in the use of our roads in accordance with the law. It is not an interpretation of the law”.

So we will have a published set of rules which are possibly not legal but which learner drivers are required to know by heart and which all drivers will follow!

I read the draft rules at the time and I must say I was impressed overall. It was up to date with respect to new legislation (e.g. penalty points and that vehicles required not to travel above 80km/h must not use the outer lane of a motorway …) and new features of our infrastructure (e.g. 2 plus 1 roads and the LUAS). It also provided excellent general motoring information (e.g. child safety and even advice on road rage).

Until relatively recently Ireland had simple straightforward roundabouts (with the exception of Walkinstown). One road on - up to three off. The rules too were straightforward: 1st exit - use left lane on approach and indicate left. 2nd exit - use left lane, don’t indicate until having passed the 1st exit then indicate left. Any subsequent exit - use right lane, indicate right and then indicate left having passed the exit prior to your exit.

Today we have ones with 4, 5, 6 … n exits. On the Dublin Road out of Naas the exits of he Big Ball roundabout are 1. Monread Road 2. M7 southbound 3. N7 northbound 4. Johnstown Village 5. Concrete Pipes Ltd. The problem here is that exit 2 is at 10 o’clock and 3 at, say, 10:05. Under the old (as yet, existing) rule you would use the right lane then switch to the left after exit 2. But 2 and 3 are far too close to be able the indicate and change lane between 2 and 3. The old rules fall down.

The draft revised rules tackled this admirably: Any exit up to the 12 o’clock position, use the left lane. Exits thereafter, use the right. A brilliantly simple solution to the problem. Congratulations to the folks who drafted the revised rules.

Then what happens? The new rules are published. And have been sent to the Road Safety Authority for redesign and printing. How does the new booklet deal with this? It changes the whole thing and makes it incomprehensible and wide open to interpretation.
1st exit - use left lane on approach and indicate left. Last exit or when going full circle - use right lane, indicate right and then indicate left having passed the exit prior to your exit. But no mention of 2nd exits, the 12 o’clock position. No it says …

When taking any intermediate exit
• do not signal on approach to the roundabout,
• select the appropriate lane on approach to and on the roundabout, signalling as necessary,
• stay in this lane until you need to alter course to exit the roundabout,
• signal your intention and move accordingly after you have passed the exit before the one you want,

No where does it define what ‘the appropriate lane’ is. This will cause chaos. Drivers will free to make up their own rules. I am dreading the thoughts of using the above roundabout.

Roundabouts is the topic I have focused on. There are others.

I have mailed the Department of Transport to enquire if such ambiguities will be rectified prior to publication. I don’t really expect a proper reply. I did get the confirmation mail saying my questions had been forwarded to the appropriate parties. But this in Civil Service speak equates to ‘duty done, nothing more to do’.

I also asked what the plans are for re-educating drivers when this booklet goes live. The best plan would be to distribute a copy to all registered drivers but I doubt that will happen for cost reasons. If nothing is done, we will have a situation where one set of drivers do one thing and another set doing another.

This is yet another example of half-arsed attempts by government and its officials tackle an issue. It seems they always get half the job done half right and take years to patch up botched projects.

I’m back. 8 days using a pen instead of keyboard. You might call it being under mouse arrest. More about that later.

Right now, there is the more pressing matter of nominations for the Irish Blog Awards. You don’t have to vote for my suggestions, but just remember, I know your IP.

Eolaí over at Irish KC never fails to crack me up with his Irish Conversations category and I’m nominating it for Most Humourous Post. There could be a problem with this because it’s not strictly a unique post. I’ll check this with Mr. Mulley … or persuade him that it’s acceptable. If he does say no then I can pick one from the list. A daunting task but it would keep me smiling for hours.

My pick for Best Newcomer is MacKozer’s Irish Diary. The author is a newcomer to both blogging and to Ireland. His perspective of Ireland as a Pole is intelligent, readable and betimes thought provoking. And if that weren’t enough, his photography is so amazing I can’t find the thousand words needed to describe it. To save me the trouble of thinking of them, just go have a look for yourself and you’ll understand. And the blog is also available in Polish.

I reckon Fat Mammy Cat is a runner for Best Personal Blog. At times very personal, always worth reading and with subtle innocent humour hidden in the obvious. Call it embedded.

While I don’t normally agree with saving the best wine ’til last … everyone’s pissed by then and don’t appreciate it … but I’ve done it here. The Best Blog just has to go to The Swearing Lady from the arse end of Ireland. My money is on her usurping Twenty this year. No contest. Her ladyship is a howl. Whether she’s up or down. With a single sentence she can make you laugh, cry or scream in frustration. But mostly laugh. Oh, and this is something Mr. Mulley does agree with me about.

Well, I’ll leave it up to yourselves. And remember there are lots of other categories too.

Have to ignore this, and all other blogs, for the next week or so.

I have some pressing (and unwelcome) tasks to attend to which cannot be ignored any longer. The limit has been reached on the long finger.

The Irish Independent , Breaking News.ie and others reported on Saturday that more people attended Irish language courses in the Gaeltacht in 2006 than ever before.

According to Éamon Ó Cuív, Minister for Community, Rural and Gaeltacht Affairs (and sometimes, the Islands), “Irish is alive and kicking”. Ok. Agreed.

Then he went on to credit this kicking to “TG4, the Language Act and the recent statement by the Government in relation to the language”. Bullshit, minister. Seafóid, if you prefer.

TG4? Yes. For sure. The Language Act and any statement by the Government, recent or not? No way Éamó. You, of all people, cannot claim to have fostered the Irish language in any constructive way. Pushing it down our throats has been shown not to work. Have you learned nothing from the way your grandfather tried to make us a nation of gombeen men?

Sorry, but I’m only paying out on TG4. And what a payout it is. TG4 can achieve more in one week of programming than 15 years of school. It has shown the language to be fun, vibrant and modern. Not that it wasn’t before. TG4 simply proved it.

Anyone with small kids will tell you they are just has happy watching Clifford or Dora the Explorer dubbed in Irish as they are with the original. They are equally at home with Scéalta an Dragúin and Tec an Tarracóir. While watching these cartoons they are absorbing the language like sponges. Oh, that reminds me. There’s also Spongebob Squarepants as Gaeilge.

Older kids enjoy Aifric because they identify with the issues the comedy-drama deals with. For those of you don’t know of it, it could be described as an intelligent child’s That’s So Raven.

The adult soap Ros na Rún has tackled topics the producers of RTE’s Fair City would run from.

TG4 produces world class documentaries. Under the Fíorscéal banner TG4 has looked at the plight of children taken from Australian Aboriginal mothers in the 50’s through the 70’s, the street children of Rio and slave labour in Vietnam to mention but a few.

In the realm of sport it has coverage of more GAA matches than RTE. It does not shy from showing Ladies football which may be thought not to produce the advertising revenue of Mens. It has had the rights to air Wimbledon, the Tour de France and the World Snooker championship.

As a result adults just like the kids are learning the language. Even if they are reading the subtitles they are listening to it and, perhaps unwittingly, absorbing it.

At the risk of being unPC, what hot blooded male could not enjoy Irish when spoken by babes like Síle Ní Bhraonáin, Aoife Ní Thuarisg or ex-TG4 presenter Gráinne Seoige? Remember the ads for Paisean Faisean? Yes you do. You loved them. They were banned eventually. TG4 was using sex to sell their product. And why not? Speaking Irish doesn’t make you frigid.

All of this has made Irish more acceptable and even popular in everyday life.

The Bóthar charity ran its radio campaign this Christmas as Gaeilge. Ok, people got the message as they had heard it in English in previous years. But they also picked up on the new tag-lines. I have witnessed bus passengers in fits of giggling when one wag mimicked the goat from the ad by repeatedly asking the driver “an bhuilimid ann fós? An bhuilimid ann fós?”

Having a chat as Gaeilge in a pub no longer produces sneers and jibes. In my own local, non-speakers are more likely to eavesdrop in the hope they understand enough to jump into the conversation and start an argument (in English).

Gael Scoileanna are regrettably having to turn pupils away.

More and more racehorses are being given Irish names. Just the day after the Minister made his statement Saoirse Déardaoin, Mo Cushla [sic.], Giolla Dé and Féichead Ghrá were all placed. Many more also ran. Ok, I admit I know some owners who give their horses Irish names in the expectation of running them in the UK and having a great laugh at the British commentators’ attempts at pronouncing them. But at least these owners can pronounce them and know what these names mean. They are still displaying pride in the language.

Yes, Minister Éamó, Irish is alive and kicking. But sorry, no, your Language Act and your government’s statements cannot claim the credit that is TG4’s. The government may have gotten the ball rolling by approving the station’s foundation, but the management and staff of TG4 have taken that ball and run with it further than ever expected. You are just riding on their coat tails.

I hear the following yesterday. It was on the Ray D’Arcy Show so it must be true. In fact, it’s so crazy it couldn’t but be true.

Following a delay of six hours passengers were eventually allowed board a ÉireFlot (aka. Ryanair) from Germany to Ireland. The joy of being finally en route home for Christmas was to be short lived. Somehow, one passenger too many had been let board.

Despite pleas from the cabin crew this individual was not coming forward. Another delay as they cross checked the passenger list against the boarding cards and found the stowaway’s name.

Once again the cabin crew paced up and down the aisle. “Herr Ogormann, bitte. Mr. Ogormann, please”. 15 minutes later and still no-one owned up. Just as they were about to check all passports a shout came from the back of the plane:

“It’s O’Gorman yez eejits. O-fekin-Gorman”.