Primal Sneeze

I was sitting in the kitchen day dreaming of my up coming trip to Spud World when the phone rang. Ferdie. A neighbour not unlike the Pádraigh lad from a few weeks ago. At least Pádraigh has broadband. Ferdie reckons it’s too dear so the last time a crucial update was needed for his computer I downloaded it and popped it on a CD for him.

- Mornin’ Primal. That CD with the virus [sic.] on it.

- The anti-virus CD? Yeah. How did you get on with that?

- Grand. I got in the machine now. Where do I go from here?

- Ferdie I gave you that CD 4 months ago. Don’t tell me you’re only installing it now.

- I was busy. Shur what’s the rush anyway? So where do I go from here?

- The fekin thing is 4 months out of date now, Ferdie! If you install from that CD it’ll have to update itself with all the new virus definitions. That’ll take hours on your connection. Here, I’ll make you a new one.

- Ah no. This one’ll be grand. A lad in the club told me that you don’t really need a virus [sic.] unless you’re looking at dirty pictures and I wouldn’t be doing that. ** Right, so where do I go from here?

- Ok. Ok. It’s your call, Ferdie. Ok, put the CD in the drive. Go Start>Run>Browse. Select the D: drive. Double-click the file you see there and just follow the instructions on the screen.

- Where’s Start?

- Bottom left hand corner.

- Right. I can see All Programs, My Documents, My Pictures, My Music …

- Run, Ferdie. I said select Run! R-U-fekin-N.

- Right. I have that now. Where do I go from here?

- Browse. Select the D: drive. Double click the file you see there and away you go.

- Ok. I see Browse. Where do I go now?

- Ferdie, do you still have the box the computer came in by any chance?

- I do. Shur herself never throws anything out.

- Good. Here’s where you go from here: Put the computer into it and bring it back to the shop. Tell them the purchaser is unfit for the equipment intended. You might get your money back.