Pub talk

- You shouldn’t do that. It’s not right to be winding up the poor girl like that.

- She asked for advice. I gave it. The best way to solve the problem of lipstick on glasses is to chip the tops. You won’t see women putting them to their gobs then.

- But what if he took you seriously? Her English isn’t great and she mightn’t get the joke.

- Blood is easier get off glasses than lipstick. Anyway, she’s not thick. Didn’t ya see her grin.

- Women always smile at you. Most of them just can’t help laughing. You’re a laughable looking feker. And what about the time in Woodies?

- What time in Woodies?

- The time I was buying a mousetrap and you asked the Polish girl if they did the mice to go with it. And she went off to ask a manager.

- But she got the joke in the end, didn’t she.

- How do would you know? You legged it and left me there to explain. The manager wasn’t impressed. Lucky I wasn’t barred for wasting Garda time, or whatever that’d be in a hardware. Oh yeah, and the soup thing yesterday with the Latvian fella in The Lamps.

- That was his own fault for speaking Latvian at me. He said the cream doojor was chicken & sweetcorn. I said I’d have the chicken. I don’t like sweetcorn - it repeats at both ends.

- Crème de jour is French not Latvian ya gobshite. We can’t go back there for a while. Here. Your twist.

- Hello! Sorry! Howya, eh, two pints there please. You’re from Kracow aren’t ya. It’s in the paper today, Kracow’s going to be twinned with Bargain Town.

- Ah fek this! I’m getting out of Dodge.