Her Ladyship’s posts about recruitment cuntsultants brought back memories of loathing and frustration. It’s been two years since I’ve had anything to do with them, but reading her tirade and the follow-up by Kav, made it seem like just, I dunno, just two years ago. In a couple of months I will have to face them again. I’m gawking into my cornflakes just thinking about it.
To cap it all, I was told of yet more horror stories yesterday by my new neighbours. A couple from Poland.
The guy is a HGV driver with six years experience. On arrival in Ireland he even took a HazChem course in case his Polish ticket would not be recognised here. That, by the way, was the cuntsultant’s idea. She didn’t know, or bother to find out, if his own ticket would suffice. There would be no problem placing him she said. She had a number of clients screaming out for drivers.
Sure enough, the call came. He would be starting on Monday with such-and-such.
On his first day he was given a pair of gloves and shown into a large shed. The job was sorting rubbish on a conveyor belt! Now he’s not proud. In fact he worked there for two weeks until he got a driving job. But he was baffled as to what the cuntsultant was thinking. Me, I’m more baffled as to how she wasn’t thinking.
Jan’s partner is a highly qualified riding instructor. This being Kildare, her cuntsultant assured her that she would have an enviable choice of work. Her first interview was the following day. In Dundalk! She thought this a bit strange but decided to go anyway. She didn’t want to seem ungrateful and maybe it would actually be a fantastic job. After two buses, one taxi and four hours, she arrived at the stud farm. The owner hadn’t been sent her CV. He didn’t know she was coming. And worse, he was hiring a gardener!
Luckily both are now working. In jobs they are qualified to do. But jobs they found without the help hindrance of cuntsultants.
The more I think about it, and the more I gawk into my cornflakes, it might be best if I bypass recruitment cuntsultants. It could prove difficult but I would retain my temper, sanity and self-respect.
ps. When MacKozer is finished bitching about banks he can add recruitment cuntsultants to his list of examples of poor customer service in Ireland.
pps. Cuntsultant has been added to my dictionary. I am probably hoping to make a Freudian slip the next time I’m mailing one of them and not notice.
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I’d love if that were possible for me, but almost everything I apply for has no contact BUT a recruitment company. Useless shower of cunts.
Their desperation is palpable too - I’ve got one guy who phones me at least twice a week, asking me about jobs with the most tenuous links to my experience. In my younger days when I got calls like this I was flattered, thinking golly gosh and gee whizz, this guy thinks I could do that job! It’s only in the part few years I’ve realised that they are completely fucking inept and have no clue how to match up a role with a candidate unless it lands right on their plate.
Even if I do work in I.T. I’m intending to avoid them when I return home later this year looking for work. In England I once did deal with a very good one, it must be said, but my experience with them at home has always been diabolical.
Last time I returned to work in Ireland (from England) I ended up offering myself out for free to re-kick start the career again - which was very effective if costly - and that’s what I’ll do again this time before I use that inept bunch of leeches
Well I always find them as usful as the cardboard roll at the end of toilet paper. Sometimes you just have no choice but to use it.
I too am returning home soon and will need them as Interviews will be had to get to from here but i do dread having to listen to them try to explain how I am qualified to be a train driver.
When I first moved over here, I had a recruitment consultant who told me that I should only work with her - that the way things are done over here, it’s very much frowned upon to work with more than one consultant. I smiled and nodded my way through the meeting, then did some fact checking with friends. Of course she was lying to me.
The worst part - I NEVER heard from her again. Good thing I wasn’t relying on her or anything.
See. I’ve got you all scared. I told you it was a horror story.
Kav - Here’s your brudda from a anudda mudda! The weirdest call I got was about a job as a Nurse-Administrator in a retirement home. I can only guess a dodgy keyword search threw up a match between Nurse-Admin and Network-Admin.
Eolaí - A courageous tactic, a chara. But if it works, well fair play. Me, I’m all spun out doing free stuff. (See my Thick Support and Charity posts). I can’t see myself taking on more. Even temporarily.
MacDara - A wonderful analogy. One I will take to my grave. Or to a cuntsultant’s grave the next time one gets on my wick.
Ann - Yes, that’s been tried on me too. Even the day I didn’t have dopey eegit written on my forehead.
Useless bastards to a man (or woman). They care for nothing and will not listen to anything you tell them. They’ll fire off your CV to anybody that happens to be hiring any position in the hope that you’ll be so fed up going to the unrelated interviews to which they’ve sent you, you’ll just accept the rubbish job for rubbish money in a field (sometimes literally) you don’t work in. Then they can get their commission cheque and begin to not listen to the next guy in the door.
I’ve dealt with them from both the recruiter and the recruitee side and can tell you that they are equally hated for their laziness and incompetence from each side. Useless, useless bastards.
I feel your pain, Jimmy.
Heard another one yesterday. A friend of mine went for an interview. More an exam as it turned out. Extremely testing technical and mathematical questions - both oral and written.
The follow up call from the cuntsultant went along the lines of: Did you remember to shake hands firmly? Did you make eye contact? Did you address people by name? How often did you smile? No mention of how she scored on the tests.
As my friend put it, do these people assume all techies have the social skills of a mountain goat?
I have to say, I’ve been very impressed with the social skills of the techies I’ve met over here. Much better than a lot of the ones I met in the the States. Clearly, it’s either in the genes or there’s a special class in college. Whichever, something is being done right.
I was pretty sure I invented the word “cuntsultants”. It was in relation to the plague of leeches the government hires to consume public money. I wouldn’t mind but leeches have medicinal uses, cuntsultants seem not to have any use a tall a tall.
PS I’m going to be looking for work in Ireland pretty soon. Can anyone point out a good recruitment agency
It depends on your level, Niall: If you’re at executive/MD/world ruler, then there are some very good ones*. They work on the basis of quality not quantity. If you’re not top tier, then get ready to be treated as a commodity - a commodity like potash or sand, not like oil or gold.
*I’m obviously not in this circle but I can recommend one in particular which is run by a friend of mine.