Dear Van Drivers Listen here, wankers! Yeah, you. You in the Celtic/Mar U/Da Pool jersey. You with the Star/Mirror/Mail wedged on the dashboard between the paper coffee cups and left-over breakfast-rolls. Know who you are now?
Why can’t you shower of langers be like your big cousins, the truck drivers, and have some respect for other road users? We all know you want to be truckers when if you grow up. Some of you think you are truckers. But you’re not. Face it lads - you drive a scuttery Hiace/Transit/Ducato. Cars on steroids. That’s all. You aren’t in a big 18-wheel Scania.
You don’t scare me. Find that hard to believe? Well it’s true. It is pointless driving right up behind me. I’m not breaking the speed limit just because you’re up my ass like Freddy Mercury. I honestly don’t give a shit if you really must get to the next Centra/Spar/Mace for an emergency breakfast roll.
I know you don’t give a shit either. The van is not yours. You can drive it into the ground. Not your money. The boss is paying for the extra fuel you burn by overtaking above the speed limit. Not you. The boss will pay for tyres and engines worn out before their time. The boss will pay for the clipped mirrors and scraped paintwork. The boss will pay when you whack the van into a ditch.
There’s a phone number printed on your van. I’d call it and complain but I’d probably get you on the other end. You’d take the call too, while driving. Because you know van drivers are exempt from using mobile phones while driving. After all, you are on the way to the next Centra/Spar/Mace for an emergency breakfast roll.
What you don’t know is that there is another number on your van. It’s called a registration number. You wouldn’t know that being a Mirror reading, Mar U supporter. The three of you who have gotten visits from the cops this month and the one of you who will be in court on the 2nd of August will know my name. That one of you will have the pleasure of meeting me face-to-face then. (Pity really - I would have liked to meet you two other guys too. But then we’ll meet soon, I’m sure). I wonder if your boss will pay your fine? I wonder if your boss will pay the extra insurance? I wonder if you will have a job?
Yours sincerely
Just cop on!
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Don’t you really wish sometimes that your car came equipped with blades that shoot out from the sides as you overtake and a device that dumps lots of sharp nails and thumb tacks in your trail. Sadly all I have here is a bike but believe me the facial expressions I can make at pedestrians and drivers alike is almost as effective.
I’m currently getting Sidewinder missiles fitted to the side of my car. Can’t wait for the first test run…..
And I’m having them fitted to the side of my bicycle!
Let me share that I have a similar problem with taxi drivers and bus drivers. Far too many of them have an unhealthy inclination to gravitate towards the left-hand side of the road, bike lane or no bike lane, cyclists or no cyclists. Obnoxious bullies they are.
van/bus/lorry/bmw drivers are all self absorbed shites and then some. Go get em girl…
Its those little shitty cars that get in the way of vans that I hate, you know, the ones that slow doon at zebra crossings, I’ve yet to see a zebra crossing I’ve only seen people who shouldn’t be on them. Ramming Speed!
the muppet that posted this obviously wishes he could drive also in order to become a truck driver you need to do certain tests to get licence this also shows his mentality level and has nothin better to do than criticise everybody else god help you if i ever see you i will give you a grand tour of inside my van with your head and before im finished i will slap you across the face with my news papers and send you home winging like a red headed stepchild so piss of with your cheap crap car you prob got your ma to insure for you and go get a test and take your L plates down and sit on yellow pages so you can see out window