We have all see those ads for properties described as bijou and we think would suit contortionist with growth hormone deficiency. Or we read rustic and think dilapidated shack with outhouse toilet.
Their playing with adjectives is something we’ve all become used to. We can live with that. Maybe not live within what they are selling, but can at least live with their terminology.
But what when they push it further? Take this prospectus from an auctioneering outfit in this week’s Leinster Leader. It is for a property on 1ha in Kill village that includes a pub with a large carpark and a substantial tract of land with full planning permission for 20 dwellings. See anything amiss yet? No? Okay, fine. Let’s look a bit more.
The pub benefits from a seven-day pub license. That’s just great. I wouldn’t like one of those five-day, or two-days ones like that pub in … where was it again? … eh, what is it’s name? … hold on, is there one that doesn’t have a seven-day license? They could have added that it benefits from a roof, walls, windows and doors.
The village offers access to neighbourhood facilities such as local retail outlets, restaurants, sporting amenities such as the International Equestrian Arena, local GAA club and also a large primary school.
Local retail outlets? A shop; a hardware; a launderette; a hairdresser’s; a solicitor’s. Hold on, only the first two are actually retail.
Restaurants? Well I suppose you could count the food sold in the pub. Then there’s a pizzeria and a chip-shop.
A large primary school. True. True-ish. Large, but not large enough and no new one to be built in the near future.
Kill is well served by national road … links including the M4, M7 and M9.
The M7 is about 4km away; the M9 over 15km; the M4 at least 16km.
The village is connected to Dublin by bus, the Luas Rail Service at the Red Cow Roundabout and the Arrow commuter rail service at nearby Sallins, which run directly to and from Dublin.
Connected by bus, true. I can’t deny that. And it isn’t really their place to point out that these buses run between 15 and 160 minutes behind schedule. The 10:10 can arrive at 11:30. The 11:30 at 12:15. The 12:20 at 13 … you get the idea.
But this one has to be the BEST: How the hell do they make out that the village is connected to Dublin by the Luas at the Red Cow or the Arrow at Sallins? That is just plain wrong. The Red Cow is over 16km away. Sallins about 8km. That is like saying Kansas City is connected to Berlin by JFK.
They say the site is fronting out to the M7 motorway. (They mention the M7 five times, by the way). This is totally wrong. The M7 is 4km away. A corner of the property meets the N7 carriageway. The N7 which is not a motorway. What advantage is it that the site borders this road anyway? An exit/entrance will not be permitted onto it. Access will have to be through an established housing estate. (They do mention this admittedly. They don’t mention that the residents intend to block access with cars, baby buggies, sofas, knives & forks, pots of tea - anything they can lay their hands on).
The Advertising Standards Authority of Ireland (ASAI) investigate complaints of false or misleading advertising such as this and uphold most. The advertiser gets a slap on the hand with a feather duster and continues as before. Is there an obligation to retract? Is there even a fine? Does it matter? The product will have already been sold by the time the complaint is dealt with. The ASAI is yet another toothless watchdog from the breeders who gave us ComReg, the BCC, the CER and so on. And in case you haven’t noticed, we just gone and re-elected these same breeders.
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There was a big flap about estate agents on Newstalk the other week, and basically one chap came on and simply stated, ‘look we’re not a regulated industry, anyone can become an estate agent, and they are not checked, acredited or held accountable for their actions.’ And I remember thinking , er what happens if you hand over a shed load of money for a deposit and they abscond with it? Not good, you’re right about the ‘language’ too, they call it descriptive, I call it telling porky pies.
Well said Mr Sneeze. How estate agents get away with it is unbelievable. The funny thing is, the seller actually has little involvement in how the final ad looks - the ad for your own property, the most valuable material thing you own, and they can pretty much say what they like about it.
The NYT ranked thirty professions by prestige levels not long ago and real estate agents finished last.
We’ve dealt with far too many moving around and they were all shifty and incompetant except for the one here in Canada.
If you ever get the reality series “The Real Housewives of Orange County” over your way check it out, of only to note that 4 of the 5 work or have worked in real estate. You don’t have to be smart to be an estate agent, just illusory. And big boobs help.
FMC - Self regulation, is no regulation. What really bugs me is when being descriptive becomes telling downright lies.
Kav - If I were selling would I insist that the ad be truthful and honest? I don’t think so, because the plain-speaking ad would be competing against the flash and hype. The property would never sell.
Medbh - Last? Even after used car salesmen and lawyers?
Sam - I’ll look out for that. You may be right about the big boobs - the agent who lives near me has huge boobs. It never dawned on me how that could help him sell his portfolio.