1. Grandad May 31, 2007 11:47 am

   1. Will yiz buy me a pint?

   2. What are the odds on Paisley’s son being gay?

   3. ‘Scuze pliz? Vat ze vay to Belfast?

   4. Any chance of quitting blogging?

   5. What are you doing with that trailer of rubbish?

   6. How much for a ride?

   7. When were you last sober?

   8. Where do you live?

   9. Pregnant again?

   10. Yiz wouldn’t be from Kildare by any chance?

2. problemchildbride May 31, 2007 9:41 pm

   I’ll play.

   1. Would you just hold this smoking gun for me ’til I nip out the back door?

   2. What will my eventual ridiculous boob-to-waist ratio be, Dr. Nipentuck?

   3. Do you know the way to San Jose, little impish-eyed boy?

   4. Are you still busy drowning in the ould ungodly souls, Father Morrison, or have you got time for a session with the lads?

   5. Is your daughter still at the old tipping the velvet, I’m a lessiebian-communist-vegan-trying-to-catch-my-first-social-disease stage then Mrs. Mackenzie? Or has she gone back to the Girl Guides?

   6. So how much tax did you actually end up paying last year, Mr Ahern? In total?

   7. Is this a…a…? Mr D. Oddery you have a petrified carrot at the back of your larder. When did you last do a fresh vegetable shop.

   8. So how many of the filthy children on this little farmstead are your’s then, Mrs… ah sorry, right you are… Ms Cantsayno?

   9. Will the world end in June, Pastor Fallwell? Is it worth renewing my car insurance?

   10. Are you a Mennonite? What computer chip did they put in your neck?

3. Primal Sneeze June 2, 2007 5:50 am

   Brilliant! The two of you!

   I haven’t laughed as much since the time my granny caught her tit in the clothes wringer.

   I like these so much I’m going to make some time today to convert them into a table and give them a page of their own.

4. Eolaí June 4, 2007 3:42 am

   For a true table you’ll need more columns. Let me help.

   1. We were thinking of moving County Kildare into a new bigger county called the Kingdom of Eblana. You are under consideration for the notional title of King. Are ya okay with that?

   2. For economic viability we think there should be more Dublin people in this new county than people from Kildare. What kind of ratio of Dubs to Kildare folk do you think is acceptable?

   3. For the people not in favour of this new arrangement, where do you think they should go?

   4. An Post doesn’t seem too clear on some addresses in your vicinity. Would you be willing to help with a reorganisation of postal addresses, and while you’re at it, electoral boundaries?

   5. The authorities are concerned with the numbers of cows in your existing county. How are you managing to cope with them?

   6. How much fare would you be willing to pay on a new light rail system from your home into Naas Nua, which will be located in Johnstown?

   7. Our records show wild swings in the declared annual incomes of your neighbourhood. Can you recall when you yourself earned your largest income in a single tax year?

   8. Did you spend most of the money earned that year in your county of residence?

   9. What are the chances of you exceeding that amount this year?

   10. As King, how do you think you would respond in a year’s time if somebody asked you how you felt about your new county, the Kingdom of Eblana?

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