Back to School #2
By Primal Sneeze ~ August 2nd, 2007. Filed under: Back to school.
Read Back to School #1 …
Okay, I wouldn’t need to submit academic references, but I would need to send either a transcript of my results or the original parchment from my primary degree. I had the latter.
Very carefully, I took the frame off the wall and extracted the scroll. Two large envelopes taped together, with a cardboard insert and DO NOT BEND written in big red letters would ensure my prized possession would not be damaged. I delivered the application form, cheque and documentation personally.
Two weeks later I got notification that I was accepted. Weh hee! After a couple of days my scroll was returned. Folded in four and with a coffee stain! I was fit to be tied. These scrolls are made of heavy parchment and I knew getting the creases out would be hard. Very hard. Harder than the horns on a lorry load of leprechauns at a mini-skirt convention.
Then I screwed up. After pressing it under a mountain of magazines for weeks, I put the lot in the recycle bin. This was to come back to haunt me.
The next task was to tell everyone. My family expressed their support: You’re fekin mad! At your age? Jayzez, what are you thinking of?
My friends were supportive too: Ya mad eegit! You’ll be penniless! Centless. Senseless. Don’t come scabbing off me for bus fare.
The lads in the pub would be the real challenge. It’s gone 7pm. Do you have an adult with you? Someone dug out a CD of The School Around The Corner and it was played again and again. Until I etched Wankers on it with my keys that is. The weekend before I was to start I was presented with a gift-wrapped parcel. A Simpsons pencil case and a Transformers lunch box.
Registration day came. I was asked for my scroll. I didn’t have it. Of course I didn’t – it was turned into a cornflakes box or something by then. I asked why they needed it anyway, seeing as I had already sent it to the computer science department. Can’t you call them and have their photocopy sent over? They’d be on their break now, Mr. Sneeze. You could go get it yourself. How can they be on their break, I asked. It’s 10 o’clock and they only started work at half nine? I was met with a scowl and Glenda Gilsen eyebrows. Ok, ok, ok, I’ll go get it.
I returned with it 30mins later and skipped the queue – I just need to drop this off with Glenda, that’s all. Glenda, her eyebrows now on the nape of her neck, took it reluctantly and directed me onward to the finance desk.
What do you mean? Of course I’ve paid the fees. Here’s the receipt from the bank. But it is not showing on our system, Mr. Sneeze, so I can’t proceed. You will have to come back in two weeks for late registration. Look, I pointed out, this is a case of me and Jolene Blalock. I’m sorry sir. What I mean is, it’s just not going to happen. Now take the receipt and go find someone who can fix this. I’m staying put.
All this was torturous but it did open my eyes to something. I was Mr and Sir while mainstream students were addressed by their first names. Age was bestowing a modicum of respect, even from the trolls in admin. I had a weapon of mass disruption at my disposal. And use it I did. More on this later.
The pencil case and lunch box were a really nice touch, Primal. That’s funny.
Good luck back at school. Accept this blessing: May your satchel straps stay strong and keep your books out of the dog shit.
Seriously, I think you’re very brave to go back to “school” but I’m sure you’ll never regret it.
Medbh – And I used them! Got a few funny looks mind you.
Kit – It was two years ago and I’m all but finished now. I wish had your support back when I started though. Thanks.
Age does give one that look of dont mess with mee sonny. I sometimes look back now at some of the shit I put up with when I was a young fart and know that now I would have the proper responce.
Officialdom is hard to challenge but it is our duty to confront when necessary.