Well I’m impressed, Primal. The extension is coming along very well. I love the gun turret. Great idea. It’ll be right handy come the council elections. Listen, if you need to borrow the tractor and trailer to take away that pile of rubble just let me know. I’ll have it hitched up, filled with diesel and I’ll leave the key in it. No rush bringing it back.
Harry was being extra pally. Normally I just get a grunt over the hedge. I had intended cadging the tractor. Now it was being offered. This was great.
Then it dawned on me and I got that sinking feeling. The one you get when you press basement. That sudden panic you get having made it to the jacks just in time for a world record flash-dump only to realise there’s no bog roll.
The feker was looking for something.
You wouldn’t be free for a few hours on Thursday? It’s just that, with Tom off sick and the young lads away in Spain, I’ve no-one to give me a hand sorting a few sheep.
The golden rule of the countryside is stay in with the farmer with the best tractor. The silver rule is keep out of his way until you need to borrow it. I think they should be the other way around.
Now those of you, who like me, are desk jockeys and spend your days massaging lumps out of your chair with your arse, may think sheep are lovely fluffy white things that you’d love to have roaming around your lawn. Let me tell you they’re not. They are stubborn fekers that will lull you into a false sense of security when being herded through a gap and change direction suddenly, for no apparent reason, and run like greyhounds to the far end of the field and laugh at you. Their wool is not soft and downy - it’s got more grease in it than the fifth wheel on an artic. When penned they won’t shy away in a corner - if they think you’re blocking the exit they’ll jump at you and knock you senseless if you don’t hit them with an American football blocking tackle.
When Harry said sort a few sheep he meant a little more than that: Select lambs for market; select more for next fortnight’s market; dose lambs to be kept; dagg them if dirty; spray them with dip; check the teeth and elders of the ewes; pare hooves if needed.*
There were 350 ewes and 500 lambs. I came home as exhausted as a hooker from the rugby world cup. Either type of hooker.
Scrubbed and scrubbed in the shower and I could still smell them such is the way their scent permeates the skin. Lynx or any other smell-well doesn’t mask it.
And worst of all, not being used to manual labour, I woke up this morning with aches and pains in places where I never had places. Even worser than worser the builder has organised a truck so I don’t need the fekin tractor after all.
I’ve seen Snakes on a Plane and it didn’t scare me. Goats on a Boat didn’t either. But one movie I know I couldn’t watch would be Sheep on a Ship.
*If you don’t know what some or all of this entails, believe me you don’t want to know.
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You’ve obviously not seen the thriller “Black Sheep”. Brilliantly funny film and well worth a look!
http://www.blacksheep-themovie.com/
You’ll never feel safe in a field of sheep again!
Camels on a canoe made me cack my pants.
massaging lumps out of your chair with your arse
ha ha ha ha
exhausted as a hooker from the rugby world cup. Either type of hooker.
Arse shaking so hard from laughing no lumps left in chair. Fecking off home early as today’s work done. Thanks for that.
Dingoes on a dinghy was pretty scary too…
So is it Roast lamb for lunch on Sunday? I’ll bring the mint sauce.
It sounds impossible for only 2 men to handle that many sheep. I would have told the neighbor to get stuffed. Sheep bite, don’t they?
Swiss - I’ll check it out anon. Sounds ovinely scary.
Twenty - Yeah, that was class. Remember the part where they tried to get the canoe through the eye of a needle? Or was it a storm. Anyway, one camel loved it, thought he was in heaven but the other got the hump.
Caro - The massaging one I borrowed from either Sweary or Kav. Can’t remember now. Got permission though. Better check that. The hooker is all mine - though that doesn’t sound right.
Grannymar - Com’on over. Welcome anytime. Wear something saucy to go with the mint.
Medbh - Harry has an excellent setup of pens, chutes, footbaths, dipping area etc. so it is possible for just two men to manage even more. I should know, I designed the system in one of my former lives. And no, sheep don’t bite.
Sheep go baa not bite. Did you wear wellies while doing the ewes I heard they are good for putting their hind legs into to stop them running away ?
That’s one filthy bloody job for a neighbour to land on you. I feel the only way to ease the kinks from your battered body would be the injestion of considerable quantities of rum/beverage of your choice. It will be medicinal, mind. Not for kicks.
Mac - I wore leggings so the legs couldn’t go down the wellies accidentally - one could have reversed into me, like. I’m saving myself for the special one - the one to whom I can honestly say I love ewe.
FMC - It had to be done. That’s the way it works around here … still. Give it another 2 to 5 years and it will change and we will all be ignoring each other’s needs. No matter how much I hate working with sheep, Harry’s a neighbour who will come to my aid (without a bribe) if and when I need him. At the back of all the scheming, he’s the good shepherd. And he gave me a six pack of German beer for my trouble, which, on your medical advice, I shall open now.
We have a small flock of wiltipoll sheep… about 50 and counting and they can be a pain in the arse to try and round up.
They are lambing at the moment, they lull you into a false sense of caring by looking so flaming cute, but after three days they are impossible to catch.
I shot some video of them the other day, little blighters.
hey the link to my video didn’t work… you can click my name in this post to watch it
http://www.milkwood.net/the-milkwood-blog/latest/everybody-loves-lambs.html
I was wondering why you were lambing at this time of the year,Nick. It’s spring over there. Duh! I’m losing it.
Yeah, lambs are cute … for a few days. Are the ones in the video ringed, or will you have to round them up later to do the tails and other bits?
We have about 30 lambs now… and yes we will need to dock their tails in the next week or so (just using rubber bands), fly strike is always an issue here, although the wiltipolls are much more resistant than the merinos that most people around here have.
These are A1 class stud animals that fetch around $600 for young ewes and over $1000 for rams. Farmers use the rams to convert their wool sheep over to fat lambs for slaughter. Wool prices are so low now days it hardly makes shearing worthwhile.
Wiltipolls (Wiltshire poll, poll meaning having no horns) put on weight faster, have multiple births (we are averageing 1.7 surviving lambs per ewe), shed their wool (so you don’t need to shear or crutch them) are placid and will eat almost anything. They are also really good mums.
Perfect for converting you flock to fat lambs.
Fly strike is a major issue here this year, Nick, because of all the rain we’ve had. I somehow assumed it would be less of a problem in a dry climate and with a breed that’s wool doesn’t grow as strongly. No dagging (crutching) is an Irish farmer’s dream.
Any idea how Wiltipolls would compare to the fat lambs from the Suffolk-Cheviot cross predominant in Ireland? With good management ours would be on a par in terms of lambing average. (I hit 1.91 once. But that’s a past life and glories like that aren’t conversation pieces in the IT business).