Snippets #11

By Primal Sneeze | Sep 4, 2007

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Kids crack me up, down and sideways with the things they say. Seán, who as he says himself, is two naf years old, got a “your’re-special-too” gift when his little brother Oisín was born last month. As soon as his dad and I set it up in the garden he was bouncing around on his jumpoline. We tried to correct him but the little feker was right. That’s what this trampoline with sides is called by the makers. Imagine being corrected by a child of only two naf. I blame that bollix, Barney.

The youngest of my cousin Áine’s girls started school yesterday. I got a star, mammy. Ms. Brady gave me a star. Well that deserved a reward and Sinéad got to pick something from the toyshop on the way home. A kite. Costing €9.99. Áine began to wonder if her baby was ready for school. After all, both her sisters had both been well up enough to pick something worth €50 for their first day present. A couple of hours later: Mammy, I didn’t really deserve a kite. Ms. Brady gave everyone a star. Áine relaxed - her baby was truly ready for the world.

Some adults have the same effect on me. I was doing the weekly trolley rage when I met Tony Two Lines. The town was particularly busy even for a Friday. Two Lines knew why: It’s all them electric lawnmower hoors in buying drink for their picnic. I should’ve gone to that. Two Lines recommends Stradbally for a visit, concert or no concert. He was there for a fortnight one weekend. Stayed with his aunt Joan who married a man with a limp and a red car.

A while back I recommended The Village at Lyons to Flirty. I may have to retract that after a review I was treated to at the weekend: Oh, me and herself were there for a couple of half hours. The place is lovely alright. More stone work than Newgrange. Lovely sitting-down places. They don’t do takeaway. And you couldn’t tell what you were eating though. All these funny names. Canne-something with parmesan emulsion. Herself didn’t know whether to use a fork or a paintbrush. The little bit of grub they gave me was laid out all fancy like you’d see on telly. There was a bit of a carrot on the right and I had to run around the other side of the plate to get the spud. And you could keep a horse for the money we paid. Mind you, if we had a horse I would’ve eaten it there and then I was that hungry walking out of there.

9 Comments so far

Sugar Britches September 4, 2007 2:30 pm

I agree with your assessment of Barney, but he’s brilliant compared to these guys.
http://www.thewiggles.com/

I’m sure they have good intent, but they’re kind of creepy.

BTW-What happened to your splutter?
fatmammycat September 4, 2007 4:09 pm

Corrected by a toddler, is there no greater shame? (or reason to laugh)
Primal Sneeze September 4, 2007 10:05 pm

Sugar - The Wiggles won’t load right now. But I promise (all appendages crossed) to check them out tomorrow.

Eh, Splutter was a piss-take. And there’s only so much piss that can be taken (ask any urologist), so I trashed it.

FMC - No greater reason to laugh. Or hug. Or feel your heart’s about to burst. Even when they aren’t your own, kids are greatest thing on this planet. They were around before sliced bread, remember. That said, I know a few little hoors who should be put through a blender, never mind sliced.
Conortje September 5, 2007 9:59 am

I love the word jumpoline. I think I want one now. Probably not so safe on a balcony though plus I didn’t even get a star
Nonny September 5, 2007 1:32 pm

I’d love a jumpoline, one of those really big ones!
Medbh September 5, 2007 3:03 pm

“More stone work than Newgrange”: Hee hee!
Love the restaurant review. I think the whole “foam” food trend is waaaay overblown. You pay a fortune for it and then leave hungry.
Primal Sneeze September 5, 2007 8:24 pm

Conorín/Nonny - Get one! They’re great. If you can’t source an adult one, then get a kid’s one and some kids to go with it.

Medbh - I was a a bit shocked. This gaff is under the control of Richard Corrigan, who in his TV work, promotes good sized helpings. He even looks like a big feeder himself.
flirty September 7, 2007 9:57 am

love the review - hilarious
Primal Sneeze September 7, 2007 1:27 pm

Jayzez, Flirty, I hope your review doesn’t turn out as bad. Richard Corrigan will have to shut up shop. Have you decided when/how to go yet?