Making Movie Magic #5

6am and the phone rang. Uurrggh, hua wha? I answered in my best Swahili. Can you be in Johnstown by 7? Eh, no. A little after maybe. Can you dress as a country type? Well I live in the country and I can type. Like in a tweed or wax jacket and flat cap. Wear wellies. Oh, and can you use a shotgun? Expecting trouble from the fashion police? Look, I’ll explain later. See you at 7. 6:30 would be better. You can explain at 7:30 or 8.

I arrived at 8:30 in the grounds of Furness House and immediately set to work eating breakfast. By 9 a few other extras had arrived so they told us the plan. Over the next few days we would be shooting scenes of a Country Fair, or Field Day as we call it around here. Tents and bunting were dotted about the paddocks. Stalls decked out with bric-a-brac. Stuffed animals and birds. Those little rope fences everyone ignores. It must have taken days to put together and looked very authentic. Albeit more Home Counties authentic than Irish authentic. Miss Marple-esque.

There was to be a fight in a tent, a chase, shots fired at a van, clay pigeon shooting, pit bull terriers and more. This would be exciting. But first we would have to do some waiting. By now I was a seasoned, well lightly salted, extra and I coached the newbies on the best methods of waiting - reading a paper five or six times, staring blankly at a wall, checking your watch, switching seats with your neighbour, pacing slowly back and forth. I did a good job - by 11 they were old hands at waiting.

Then we got to do walking. Not normal walking mind you. Oh no, this was to be aimless walking. Everyone would stroll about checking out the goods on the stalls. Ramble in and out of the tents. Cross paths with a friend and stop for a chat, then move on. Look happy most of all. Most important to look happy and smile.

The devil was in me that morning and he was as big as an ass. I delighted in crossing paths with friends and suggesting I’d banged their mothers and watching them try keep smiling. One long 5 minute take. Easy peasy. The AD shouted wrap and I ran and hid behind the props truck until things calmed down. The props guy assumed I was the help he’d asked for and I spent the next hour moving gear with him. Waiting and walking I had down pat. And now I had lifting to add to my CV. Life was good.

Next up were the pit bull races. A young girl sat in a cart and it was harnessed to each of the dogs in turn. The handler (out of camera) teased his dog with a toy and it pulled the cart a few metres to cheers from the crowd. All lovely and pleasant. My arse it was! It was more scary than waking up naked and sweaty beside Mary Harney. These dogs are powerful animals. Ropes were attached to the back of the cart and two more handlers (out of camera) pulled with all their might against the dog. At the end of the run the handler would toss the toy on top a trailer out of sight of the dog while he undid the harness and put the muzzle back on. One dog seen where his toy had gone and went ape shit trying to climb the trailer. We gasped. The director on the other hand shouted for everyone to keep clear and kept filming. Unplanned as it was, it turned out to be one of the best clips in the movie.

I wasn’t allowed in the fight scene because I’d already been in close ups. That was disappointing. It was in a tent too so I couldn’t even watch. But it was interesting to see the stuntmen (and one woman) don their body protection. Genuine athletes these folks. They limbered up before even practising their moves. They appeared to toss each other about like rag dolls though in truth most of the tossing was orchestrated by the offended party. Despite the armour they moved like dancers. A bare knuckle ballet.

The lovely Jules appeared and, to make up for my not being allowed in the fight scene, gave me an important task and even a title. I was to move the stuffed birds inside a tent if it rained and was to be known as Avian Protector or AP for short. Not quite AD, but close enough. And not only that but I could pick my own assistant. Seán the fireman-on-his-day-off and I performed flawlessly. Watching the sky closely and taking note of the weather reports. Howya. Do you think it’ll rain. No. Don’t think so. Grand so. What do you reckon? Will it rain? It might do. Clouds are a bit dark. Grand so.

It rained. We moved the birds. It was getting dark so we were sent home. The next day, my car would join the ranks of extras.