I’m back. Well sort of. Let’s say I’m Backish. Like Ivana. I’ll still be drifting in and out of the consciousness that is blogland for a couple of more weeks. It’s not right to be messing with the space-time continuum like that but it can’t be helped for the moment.
Now what was I saying? Oh, yeah, the great tree-felling of ‘07. What I haven’t told you is how the tree was actually cut down.
As it was close to the house, we needed to be sure it fell away from it. Pat’s a good man with a chainsaw but just to be sure, he had me brace a hefty plank ¼ the way from the treetop and then push as hard as I could when he gave the order. It worked a dream.
However, being as useful as tits on a bull when it comes to things like this, I somehow managed to let the plank slip from my shoulder and I tore the muscle on a rib.
Some years ago I had a similar injury and I remembered well how much it hurt when I coughed, sneezed or laughed.
Kismet, as it does, played its part and I got a cold the next day. Cough, fuck, cough, fuck, fuck and atchoo, fuck, fuck, fuck. You get the idea.
Luckily I was working hard and hadn’t time to read blogs so there wasn’t much to make me laugh. But kismet, the bastard, had other ideas.
In the chemist’s collecting a script for an elderly neighbour I coughed, let out a string of expletives and bent over holding my chest. The blonde babe who fancies me* came running from behind the counter. Are you sure it’s a torn muscle? It’s not cracked is it? Here let me have a look and she ran her hand up under my jumper.
She pressed and prodded and I screamed oh god, oh god while she soothingly ooohed and aaahed.
The commotion brought the manager out from the back of the shop and suggested if we were having some sort of role-reversal sexual experience that we were welcome to use his office.
The staff and customers burst out laughing. I did too. But that caused even more pain and I fell over clutching my chest, and the girl’s hand as it was still on the offending rib, consequently bringing her down on top of me.
To add insult to injured rib, the guy who owns my local walked in right then. Never the shy one, eh Primal. That produced another bout of laughter and writhing in pain. Each time the girl tried get up I rolled or jerked involuntarily and brought her crashing down again.
Can security camera footage be uploaded to YouTube? asked the manager. More hilarity. I thought it would never end. Why in the name of the mother of the six sniffling infants did this have to happen in a shop-full of smart arses!
* I know she does ‘cos she dropped a subtle hint one day: The other girls think I fancy you. They could be right - you make me laugh**.
** I asked her if they stocked Scrotox. It wasn’t on the computer but if I explained what it was she’d make some calls. It’s like Botox but it’s for getting the wrinkles out of your sack.
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You were just faking injury for girl-feeling-falling-over purposes weren’t you Sneezy - come on you can tell us!
No, I wasn’t, Caro. But I admit that have made a mental note to feign a pain in the future. It’ll have to be a different girls though - this one’s frightened off now.
I’ve done this before Primal, not in same circumstance and also without someone so nice to feel my chest. But I remember the pain when lol ( which you also made me do), and it was a total paradox ! Thanks much .
There ought to be a health warning on this post. CAUTION: do not read if laughing will cause pain…
Oh I bet she still likes you. Trust me, if a woman voluntarily runs her hands up under your sweater, she wants you to buy her a drink. …and you owe her one now after all that grappling!
What ribaldry! (see? see? the ribs and the laughter? Look it’s OK, I’m leaving…
…after I say that) I agree with Sugar Britches. It is perfectly possible to assess a man’s ribly injury without sticking your hand up his joomper. She likes you and has given you another unprompted hint to that effect when saying her friends thought she fancied you. Ask her out for a drink or better, to lunch - that way, if you decide she’s not for you, you can get up and say “Well, it’s back to work for me” and there won’t be any awkward lingering like there can be after an evening meal if things aren’t clicking.
She’s given you some good signals and could well be sitting around wondering why you haven’t asked her out yet. You men would be surprised how often that happens.
welcome back deary
Welcome back. We will always be here for you.
Ooh, I like the flashy “made a mistake?” feature.
Sniffles - The pain really smarts (as they say in the toons). There’s nothing that can be done - just let it take its course.
Aonghus - About a year ago, I suggested Eolaí do something similar - place an icon at the top of each of his posts that were likely to cause giggle-fits.
Sugar & Sam - But all she has to do is show up at my door … naked … and with pizza. (Ribaldry - I like that).
Flirty - Glad to be back.
Annie - Yeah, it’s a cool plugin for sure. It gets my vote for handy little web thingie of the year 2007.
But turning up naked with pizza is more of a second date thing. Don’t make her do all the work. Give it a shot - the worst that’ll happen is she’ll be flattered.
I arrived naked once bearing pizza in one hand…and beer in the other.
He proposed immediately.
Hilarious, Primal. I hope you were able to keep your peen under control while rolling around on the floor with her.
Oh, Primal! I’m howling here at work, but people haven’t come over yet to see what’s the matter. Maybe the value of friends at work is overrated…
I’m with Sugar and Problemchildbride - she might merit some further attention — once you’ve healed!
Sam - That comment made spake of the week! Deadly!
Sugar - I’m happy for you … and him.
Medbh - The only times that that’s under control is when a man’s in pain and an hour after he’s dead.
Saint Widgie - Healing is needed before feeling.
Hi Primal, back and reading to catch up with what you have been writing. Oddly enough, happened to start from this one. I like random pick-reading.
Now, you can’t blame kismet too much for the events in the chemist, involving the hot-chemist chick now, can ya? Sorry you had pain but it just sounds too much fun to have missed…
It’s not like I have been around but, welcome back anyway!
G
PS: I am sure there are more secret crushes around that will reveal themselves in time! Muhah!
Gayé - Crush? Well, I suppose you could say that - this girl was crushed by me when I fell.