All I want for Christmas is …

By Primal Sneeze | Dec 20, 2007

I made this list. But I didn’t check it twice. So apologies for any errors.


  • An end to world hunger. No use to me. I’ll never be in a beauty pageant.
  • Our troops home. The fekers went for a few pints on Tuesday and haven’t been seen since. Ah shur let them at it - they’re only young.
  • World peace. No, changed my mind. How else would Americans learn geography?
  • More time on my hands. Yeah, that might be nice. But I’d like some on my feet too. Maybe even a little on the spot behind the knee that doesn’t have a name.
  • A token of appreciation, affection or one that I can use in supermarket trolleys. Maybe not. Any chance of a snog, a shag or a euro instead?
  • A baseball cap that doesn’t have a logo. But they don’t make them do they?
  • Something to do on the Internet that there isn’t an award for. Better be careful - I could win a logo to stick on my blog for thinking that up. See - Fekin logos again.

No. None of the above. But how about this: What if all the folks who check in on this blog but never comment just say “hi”, “howya”, “g’day” or whatever they’re most comfortable with? Don’t say “happy Christmas” or you’re barred! So how about it lads? Go on, go on, go on. Ya will, ya will, ya will.

37 Comments so far
  1. Grandad December 20, 2007 8:37 am

    Hi!

  2. Primal Sneeze December 20, 2007 8:46 am

    You don’t count, Grandad! You’re a blogger. I meant normal people. Not that bloggers … Eh, let me think about that one.

  3. Mzungu Chick December 20, 2007 9:49 am

    Primal - you’re so cruel - how can us bloggers not count!
    .. and by the way normal people are currently busy doing their Christmas shopping and such and are not wasting their time like us honey, talking shite on line!!

  4. Primal Sneeze December 20, 2007 9:56 am

    White Girl - Bloggers don’t count because they’ve all commented before. I just wanted to hear from folk who only read blogs.

    And you would go and remind me of shopping. I have to go buy the stuff, what do you call it? Oh yeah, food. Well I have to go buy that this morning. I suffer from trolley rage at the best of times but with all the Chrismassey shoppers it’s going to be a nightmare.

  5. Rosie December 20, 2007 10:03 am

    i was going to wish you a nollaig shona, but i see i don’t count. you can go and sh!te so!

  6. elly parker December 20, 2007 10:10 am

    Happy Holidays?? ;-)

  7. Primal Sneeze December 20, 2007 10:22 am

    Bollix! I’d better start again. All commenters are welcome as usual. But this time, I’d also like to hear from folks who never commented before - non-bloggers in particular.

    Rose - Nollaig shona do thóin … Hey there’s an idea - let’s translate Fairytale of New York.

    Elly - And a very happy Feathers to you and George too.

  8. Grannymar December 20, 2007 10:25 am

    So you don’t want to hear from me. Huh! Be like that!

    If I’m not saying hello, I’ll say bye, bye! ;)

  9. Caro December 20, 2007 11:21 am

    Would you really want to chat with the normal person who searched for “free midgets walking down the steps movies”?

    Though maybe the one looking for his daughter’s PPN number will stop by to thank you for providing it.

    Buon Natale - I’ll wave in your general direction as I’m passing through Kildare on my way home.

  10. a non blogger! December 20, 2007 11:52 am

    ok so, hello! Never ever commented before, but I do read every day ;)

  11. Mattie December 20, 2007 12:55 pm

    Howdi

  12. fatmammycat December 20, 2007 1:28 pm

    BON NADAL! TOOTS! So shouty today. Sorry.

  13. Primal Sneeze December 20, 2007 2:15 pm

    Grannymar - It’s always to hear from you even when I don’t.

    Caro - I hadn’t thought of that bit! About the search people I mean. But anyway, yeah, give us a wave.

    Non-blogger - You call by any time you want. I’m not always here, but the keys are under the cat and the dog knows where the kettle is.

    Mattie - Howdy right back at ya. And a happy solstice to you and yours and theirs.

    FMC - It’s okay. Shouting doesn’t make you a bad person. Now shouting whilst killing someone is a different story.

  14. mary December 20, 2007 2:54 pm

    Your post reminded me of a joke, it’s probably very old but it’s true.
    What is the difference between a shopping trolley and a student?
    A shopping trolley has a mind of its own.

  15. AnFearBuí December 20, 2007 2:58 pm

    Hi Primal,

    Don’t stop blogging anytime soon

  16. Sugar Britches December 20, 2007 3:53 pm

    (thinking)…geography, geography. Hey! I know what that is. It deals with angles and degrees and the Pythagorean whatzit.

    What does that have to do with world peace? Geesh.

  17. Gaye December 20, 2007 4:35 pm

    Muhah! “I meant bloggers, not normal people” I can’t get over this one Primal!!!!!!!!

    All I want for Christmas is the proof that God exists or doesn’t. So I can sleep at night without feeling guilty for not believing, in case the mighty Bob indeed does exist.
    KABOOOOOOM!
    That was the lightning that almost hit me. Surely, coincidental.

  18. Rosie December 20, 2007 6:22 pm

    you’re on.

  19. Medbh December 20, 2007 6:46 pm

    Primal, that hat does exist! Check out the J Crew website in the spring. I looked just now for you and they’re not featured among the winter items.
    But they carry plain baseball caps.

  20. AJ December 20, 2007 7:37 pm

    Hello.

    How was that, shit I fucked it up, let me do it again,
    Ehh Hemm, Ok. Ok.
    Hello.
    Hows that? Was that ok?

    By the way I don’t think theres a lot of non bloggers that actually read blogs to be honest. But what do I know.

  21. EashtGalwayWoman December 20, 2007 8:30 pm

    Even with war they don’t even know much geography….although the amount of people in Ireland who asked me if New Orleans was near Connecticut frightened me a little. Beware of the Bebo generation :) mental midgets walking down steps them lot !
    Hello from a non blogger…

  22. kelly d December 20, 2007 11:39 pm

    Beannachtaí ón meáncósta Meiriceá, PS. Sin é Siceagó, ar ndóigh.

    Love,
    a non-blogging blog-reader

  23. Primal Sneeze December 21, 2007 8:46 am

    Mary - At last an old joke that I haven’t heard already. Thanks to you my repertoire is complete.

    An Fear Buí - Well okay. If you say so. Are you 100% sure though?

    Sugar - See if even one world peace is not fitting with the others at the correct angle that means war. Or something.

    Gayé - I think the Greens put the squeeze on the gods and had them stop using lightening as it consumes too much electricity.

    Rosie - As soon as I thaw out*

    Medbh - J Crew is on my list for 2008. Thanke very many.

    AJ - Yes, the second one was much better. Well done. You might be wrong about non-bloggers - see comments #10, 11, 15, 21, 22.

    EastGalwayWoman - That scares me. A lot. Everyone knows New Orleans is in Hawaii.

    KellyD - Meancósta Meiriceá! Ha ha! 10 as 10.

    *The builders relocated the boiler (furnace for US readers) yesterday. They screwed it up and it isn’t working this morning. Minus 5 right now and I’m trying to type with gloves on.

  24. Gaye December 21, 2007 10:15 pm

    Greens? Ok, I add this one to my list of “Wanted! - Proof of Existence”
    :)

    and…

    HAPPY CHRISTMAS!

    *duck*

  25. laurie December 21, 2007 10:50 pm

    very well. here’s your gift from me: i check in now and then, and hello.

  26. Paddyanglican December 21, 2007 11:08 pm

    I’ll pass on the snog or even the shag but your definitely worth a euro! Happy Winterval!

  27. Paddyanglican December 21, 2007 11:26 pm

    Oops - an “eats shoots and leaves moment”! That’s you’re not your!

  28. Annie Rhiannon December 21, 2007 11:56 pm

    Hey Primal. How about you post a picture of yourself? I like to be able to see who I’m blonking.

  29. problemchildbride December 22, 2007 2:21 am

    Nollaig Chridheil Huibh , Sneezy, mo’ ghraidh.

  30. Primal Sneeze December 22, 2007 3:10 am

    Gayé - *Swooosh* You were lucky there.

    Laurie - I’ve been over at your place too but never said hi. *Scribbles New Year’s resolution #4391*

    Stephen - Your fine. Theirs always a plaice for typos at this time of year.

    Annie - I honestly don’t have one - neither digital nor printed. Would one of my dog do? I have a really nice one of a horse too but he’s not mine.

    Sam - ‘S go n-éirí an Bhliain Úr leat, a chuisle!

  31. Eolaí December 22, 2007 12:40 pm

    Ah here, this is like standing on Leeson Street watching all your work colleagues file in past the bouncer who doesn’t like your shoes.

  32. Annie Rhiannon December 22, 2007 12:41 pm

    I’ll take one of you when I get back…

  33. Primal Sneeze December 22, 2007 1:18 pm

    Eolaí - I’ll get you in - I know yer man.

    Annie - I’ll get my hair done so.

    Eolaí - He says it’s okay this time, but just don’t wear those shoes again.

  34. laurie December 23, 2007 1:32 am

    ah, maybe this year i’ll inspire you.

  35. Primal Sneeze December 23, 2007 8:34 am

    Laurie - I have no doubt you will.

  36. Andrew in NZ January 7, 2008 3:58 am

    Greetings.

    It’s been fun, keep at it.

    AJB.

  37. Primal Sneeze January 7, 2008 6:17 am

    Good man, Andrew! It was killing me not knowing who the Milk Man was. Don’t be afraid to jump in again. A belated happy new year to you and yours.

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