Frankie-four-times
By Primal Sneeze ~ February 8th, 2008. Filed under: Builders, Driving, Education, Health, HSE, Irish identity, Pet Hates, Plonkers, Politicians, Politics, Transportation.
Many moons ago, my parents’ house was renovated by the County Council. As with all public authority works, it was put out to tender. The builder awarded the contract had worked as an accountant in the Council for many years. Whether he knew the ins and outs of the system, or simply knew people, is irrelevant – what he didn’t know was building.
Doors would be hung that wouldn’t close. They’d be rehung. The wind would whistle through the gaps. They’d be rehung. The Council’s clerk of works would come to inspect them and find substandard hinges. They’d be replaced.
Paint would have to be stripped off, a sealer applied and then repainted. Cracks would appear in the walls and be hastily blocked with fillers. They’d appear again, be refilled and reappear until eventually they didn’t show. And so on until finally everything were as per the specification laid down – or near enough – having been patched up so often, nothing could never be perfect without demolishing and starting from scratch.
He became known, even to Council engineers, as Frankie-four-times.
The Council continued to give him contracts even when he built a wheelchair ramp at their own offices – packed with dusty rubble instead of the hardcore requested, it collapsed within weeks. He redone it and moved on to his next job.
Next up, my generation – I’ve had builders in for months nowΔ. Like all good boys and girls I listened to my parents – didn’t take lifts with strangers; carried a clean hankie; polished the heels of my shoes; didn’t make faces in case the wind left me like that; said please and thank you and didn’t hire Frankie-four-times. He’s probably too busy with local authority work anyway.
The Hymac driver, Ritchie-right hired to dig the foundations, was more expensive than most. But no one had to lift a shovel to tidy the edges when he’d done. The sub-floor was laid and the service lines marked out meticulously with yellow paint. That took time, but the plumbers came the next day and laid the pipes in hours, not days.
The bricklayer too was a little expensive. But he left the gaps the plumbers and electricians would need in exactly the right places and the plasterers worked fast because the walls were plumb and square. A child could have put in the doors and windows thanks to the bricklayer’s skill – the installers didn’t have to take out a chisel.
Floor plans were drawn up in advance and the cabinetmaker didn’t have to cut a skirting board or have a power point moved to put in the fitted presses – the carpenters and electricians had everything laid out for him. The latter ran co-axial, phone and ethernet cable throughout despite my protestations that I don’t watch TV, use a mobile and have a wireless network – you might change your mind in the future and it’s cheaper to do it now. If that happens, it will all be there ready for you, the builder told me.
The tilers found everything level and a dream to work on. The painters had little filling to do, thanks to the work of the plasterers, carpenters and tilers.
Every evening, all rubble was gathered up and placed in a skip. Tools were cleaned and machines refuelled. Floors were swept. Wet work clothes were hung in a room with low heat. The following morning they’d arrive at 8:00 and be working at 8:01.
I have to admit there were occasions I was frustrated with the time it was taking and how much things were costing. Often I tried persuade the builder that something would do, it was fine, there was no need to be that particular, only to be met with a lecture about getting things right the first time. His belief was, if you start right, you’ll finish right. And he was right. I see that now. I should have seen it before – I knew that in 25 years as a builder, he has not once been called back to a single job. 25 years of happy clients. In 25 years he has never had to advertise or tout for work.
Such a contrast to the State-run work done for my parents. But then, that’s the way of things.
Years ago, the State built two trams lines into the capital. They didn’t meet! Now they are to be connected and will cost billions. A businessman offered to foot the bill to extend one line to Citywest and his offer was refused. Now the line is being extended and will cost billions. Why not spend an extra couple of billion now and extend it even further and build a park-and-ride facility 10 times the size that’s needed? Why not at least purchase the strip of land now that would be needed for this? Like the co-axial cable in my house it will be there if we change our minds.
Most civil engineering firms tendering for the M50 design contract proposed a spaghetti junction of flyovers and underpasses for the Red Cow exit, the busiest on the route, but no, a bridge with a roundabout, and later, with traffic lights, was built. The flyovers and underpasses are now under construction and costing billions. Why not build flyovers and underpasses on all roads now being built – just in case we need them in the future?
It’s not just in construction this patching up goes on. Our health service is a shambles costing billions and achieving little. Recently some hospitals stopped performing elective surgery for a period of months to cut costs. Surely bearing the cost of a patient undergoing a small operation and a short stay in hospital now is far less than that which will be incurred later should their condition worsen and they need to avail of A&E and/or a major operation and/or an extended stay.
Our road users are a joke, though not a very funny one. Hundreds die each year. Minor collisions happen every minute of every day, but we don’t know just how many or what the cost is. The State launches anti drink driving campaigns. The State brings in a penalty points system. The State adds more offences to the points list every year. The Gardaí can’t enforce them and even if they do catch a driver guilty of a number of infringements only the one with the highest point rating goes on their record. You can sit a driving test without prior instruction. You can fail that test, get back in a car and drive away. Now here are some mad ideas: Why not train learner drivers properly? Why not reduce policing on major roads and concentrate on the minor ones where most accidents occur? Why not clamp down on the driver who speeds in a 50km/h zone and doesn’t use indicators at roundabouts? The driver who obeys these simple rules is not the one who gets in the car full of drink and kills themselves – it is the one who is continually flouting the law.
I could go on. I could tell you about how, on the second year we had car-free day, everyone drove, including those who normally take a bus or train, because the previous year the public transport system couldn’t take the strain and people were stranded. I could tell you how a debit-card system is proposed whereby under 25s can only purchase a limited amount of alcohol over a given period. It is hard enough to judge a person is under 18 but how do you know a 25 year old? We have no national ID card system. What will be the cost of installing card readers in every outlet? Will the retailers bother to use them? I could tell you how approval was given to An Garda Síochána for a secure digital radio system in 1999. It may come into use in 2010, but until then, the one they have will do even though criminals can listen in.
I could go on ad infinitum. But I’m tired. I’m tired of the whole thing. I’m tired of the State failing to do things right first time. I’m tired of the State continually patching up problems but never fixing them properly. I’m tired of the State digging the foundations and letting sections collapse because it will do. It can be difficult to see so far ahead or make the connection, but if the foundations are right the painters will have no problems.
It may never happen, it will never happen, but I dream of the day when Ritchie-right is running my country and Frankie-four-times has been banished for ever.
Excellent post, Primal. Hiring cowboys is false economy. Shame nobody can explain that to the government. A little planning goes an extremely long way, as anybody sitting still in traffic on our congested two-lane “motorways” could tell you.
Primal I think you should run for government. Then the ‘Frankie-four-times’ yokels you have at the moment might run for cover!
It’s the tiredness I’d be more concerned with PS. That’s head wrecking and it’s re-occurring theme in your good blog. Comes a time when you got to move on and use your energies elsewhere. But then, I still like Ray Darcy and oh yeah, can I get that builder’s number, please ?
Goodness Primal, you’d better not ever visit us. We’re lucky if anyone as expert as ‘Frankie-four-times’ does any jobs round here, and ‘Ritchie-right’ is sadly just a figment of fertile imaginations. At the moment we seem to be more au fait with ‘Dastardly-destruction’ than ‘Ritchie-right’, but if you could perhaps find out if Mr Right’s free sometime soon, we would probably rather do with his help with a spot of decent reconstruction.
It’s too bad about your parents experience and judging from the comments, seems to be a widespread thing. Around the US there are times when a State, city or town government will step in and rebuild a home for someone in need but more times than not it’s a friends and neighbors and donations of materials and services from local businesses and contractors that will refurbish a home for an elderly couple let’s say. Unfortunately that kind of media coverage doesn’t pay the bills so you don’t here about much and it never happens enough. Used to.
On building your home: You don’t happen to live next door to Grandad by any chance?
Tram lines not meeting etc: Your hard earned tax dollars/pounds/whatever at work. Happens here too although I haven’t ever heard of missing a connection like the one you mentioned. We’re able to connect up things like tracks and bridges okay. It’s just sometimes the bridges fall down afterward.
and
On your points system: Now that’s one thing we (in Vermont anyway) have down pat. It’s been in place for years now. It’s accumulative in nature meaning that if you get stopped for 3 different violations at the same time like speeding, running a stop sign and smooshing Mrs. Tailwhacker’s little poodle then the driver of said vehicle gets cited for those 3 violations and the accumulative penalty points thereof, not just the highest one. 10 points on a drivers license within 3 years and your license is suspended for as long as it takes for those points to go below 10 points again or 3 years max.
I could go on but I know you’re tired.
Blimey, that is a lot of fucking up. I think it happens everywhere though, although what you have described there does seem like rather a lot of fucked up instances.
Our town invested 3 million in a fish-ladder for steelhead trout knowing full well that there was a better than 50% chance the dam they were climbing would be scheduled for destruction within 5 years time. Since it was constructed the camera meant to capture the teeming fish captured just two photos. One was too grainy to be sure what it was and we got our first verified trout-sighting the other week. The dam will be down by this time next year.
I see more and more these days that if you want something done properly don’t let the government do it. Look at New Orleans.
This was a great post by the way. The irony of car-free day being the day that bus-riders need to take their cars is beautiful in its ineptness. And the missed rail connection – that’s priceless. Priceless too on account of how much that mistake cost, no doubt,
Caro – Spot on! Two-lane motorways: They are putting a 3rd on the M50 now. Dare anyone suggest a 4th while they’re at it to allow for future growth?
Grannymar – I will never run for government, but every time I meet an elected official I am tempted to make a run at them.
Sniffles – Moving on means ignoring the problem and hoping it will go away. That’s never a course of action I would take.
If you, or anyone else lives in my general area and genuinely needs the builder’s number, drop me a mail. He really is that good.
White girl – I’ll certainly put it to him. We might even pay for it – the UN asked us last week to foot Kofi Annan’s bill and we agreed – I’m sure an extra few quid could be spared.
Kirk – I’d better take these one by one:
· It’s gone like that around here too. I remember a neighbour’s farm buildings being demolished in a storm about 30 years ago and the community restoring them.
· I’m extending, not building from scratch. No, I’m nowhere near Grandad, but I see where you’re coming from.
· The tram lines not connecting wasn’t an error – it was intentional. Stupid, but intentional. I haven’t a good bridge story for you, but we did build a tunnel specifically for trucks that some trucks couldn’t fit into.
· Now that’s how the points system should work. Fair play to ye!
Sam – I could fill the blog with these screw ups. A number of blogs probably.
Will the trout be back once the dam has gone or have the stocks died out?
Hey! You will get to see the tram lines in less than a month. And get to see their absence too. Excited?
It seems only one trout ever made it up the ladder so I imagine it did die out all by itself up there in the reservoir, tragically bubbling out “One Is Such A Lonely Number” and weeping freshwater tears. But who notices if a fish cries? Noone can tell – that is their mystery. But we’re all too busy to think about what it must be like, knowing that you may never see your kind again.
Damned things aren’t even endangered. 3 million! Pissed away! I’m all for fish ladders and sustaining ecology and habitat but this was a plan that never had a hope of success, ironically actually disturbing wildlife in its implementation. They knew the dam was coming down anyway – they knew!
Hey PS, I didn’t say ignore it. There’s an absurdity about Irish life. It’s our own cosy banana republic and there is no sentiment to change anything. We are solely interested in our own fat well being. That’s a reality which I see every day. If you keep hitting you head against a brick wall, well then you’ll get a hurty head.
I agree and with what you say and you also remind of Fergus Finlay, a fella I admire. But if you get tired of saying and writing the same things, I also think we get tired of hearing the same stuff, not here in your good blog, but on Joe Duffy, in the media, in the pub and wherever discourse happens. And we become desensitised to a point where we can’t tell an issue from a crisis.
I still like Ray Darcy.
Primal,
Really? You got pictures or even just an article about this? I gotta have it! That’s unbelievable. When I read that I laughed my…well never mind then. But if you have a source I’d love to read it. I know that kind of mees up is pretty pitiful but thanks for the laugh anyway!
Here you go, Kirk.
… I’ll get back to the rest of yez later …
Thank you sir. You are a gentleman and a school bus driver (don’t ask, not worth it).
Wow…fantastic post. The only thing I would have added is something about how you have to wait six months-plus to even sit a driving test. But then that’s a subject that’s near and dear to my heart.
In Ohio, you can get a driving test scheduled within days of asking for it, sometimes even the very next day. I know, it’s not an entirely fair comparison, since Ohio has something like 4 times the people, but still.
I really don’t understand how Ireland could have had all these years of unprecedented growth and wealth but still run things so shabbily and made such crazy choices.
Love the house as metaphor for the nation, Primal.
Brilliant.
Sam – Damn the damn dam! It seems like it wasn’t built properly in the first place – if it were, there would have been a suitable weir there already.
Sniffles – Sorry. Can’t stop. I’m hooked on whining since I came off the glue. And I still hate D’Arcy.
Kirk – You are a gentleman too. And a scholar. Thousands would tell the truth, but I say you are.
Ann – You have half the answer there: Growth and wealth but still run things shabbily – we didn’t know how to handle it after years of living hand-to-mouth on borrowings and being in a position where planning beyond tomorrow wasn’t possible. Why we haven’t learned since is another thing.
Medbh – Eh, I eh, actually didn’t mean to. The post began some time ago just as a story about two different building experiences and just took on a life of its own. Don’t tell anyone though – I’m all chuffed now that I’ve used a metaphor. If anyone asks, tell them that’s what I really meant to do.