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Wee Willie Winkie
runs through the town
He’s a right feckin ludther
An awful amadán
knocking at the windows
crying through the locks
Let us in ya hoor I know ye’re having a lock-in
The guards have all fecked off home and it’s only two o’clock
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To get a bucket of waw-her.
Jack fell down and broke his ceann
And Jill laughed her arse off.
There was an auld wan
Who lived in a caravan
She had so many childer
She didn’t know what to do with em.
“Milk for the babby mam?”
“Shur isn’t life woeful”.
Then off in her Hiace
To collect the social.
I’ll go away now. Promise.
I got a sea of puzzled faces yesterday at work when I announced my printer was banjaxed. You can take the boy out of the country and all that.
Caro - Come back! Come back! You have me hooked. I want more. I think I know Wee Willie Winkie - always running around like a headless chicken. As for that yoke Seán married, well she has the poor divil mitred the way she does be laughing at him all the time. I broke me hole at the last one.
Conorín - Sounds like the little jimmydog is gone in your printer. Happens all the time. They’re hard get though - like hen’s teeth - I spent a couple of half hours in PC World looking for a brace meself and came out with one arm as long as the other.
Honey - do apologise to the B’Jezus lot about the lack of roses for Vaseline’s but we are trying to hold it together here and you’ll be awfully pleased to know that Kenyans have stopped hacking each other up for the time being so there’s a bonus - although I do understand it is much more important to get some flowers together for Saint Vaseline’s day!
Glad to hear your press has its priorities as skewed as ours!
As for your little ditty’s, do you think if I learn them all off by heart I could perhaps apply for asylum in Ireland coz that’d be nice to have a bit of cold for a change, and meanwhile I could wash your hair for you so you couldn’t get out of going to the Blog Awards!
I shall study these religiously and attempt to recite them in casual conversation with a native.
Here’s some that would work in Lewis.
There was a crooked man
He did very well for himself but, hell mend him, he was bad to his mammy.
Mary, Mary quite contrary
Och you know her - one of the Ranis ceards, married to the Peedee boy
Her mother was a cousin of the Mackenzies from Tolastadh a Chaolais,
You lot that bought the butchers at Brue that your granny got the bad sausages from.
Yeah her. Well apparantly she took best silver bells and turnips at the Barvas show.
There’ll be no talking to her now. And I have to sit on the bus with her for an hour tomorrow.
White girl - If you recited these off by heart to an immigration official you get asylum on the spot. But not the kind you’re looking for.
Sam - Class! There’s nothing worse than sitting on a bus with someone who took best turnips.
You’re probably right there Primal. Not too keen on that kind of asylum! Shame as I really thought I could persuade you to perhaps let me wash your hair and get you to the awards on time!
I’ll let you into a small secret though - Personally I’m with you and would most definitely be washing my hair for the next month! He He !
Most of the time I have no problem with Hiberno-English. It took me awhile though to cipher what yu’ns meant by ‘messages’, seein’s how I load up a buggy full of groceries and pack ‘em home in paper pokes.
White girl - For me, that kind of asylum might be a welcome break.
On the awards night: What say you and I don’t go to it together? Well? Do I not have a date?
Sugar - Ha! Buggy=trolley, right? Here a “buggy” is something you put babies or golfers in … but I repeat myself. And is that what they mean by “pig in a poke”?
A few more I was afraid to put on my own website
I think the Bishop is onto me!
Mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
between two chunks of bread.
Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man
‘What have u got there?’
Said the pie man unto Simon
Pies you dickhead.
Mary had a little lamb
it ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
and turned its wool to nylon.
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
and grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.
Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it’s black and crispy.
I think the whole phrase is “Don’t buy a pig in a poke”-inspect before you buy. And a buggy is also more commonly called a ’shopping cart’ or just a ‘cart’. The oldtimers tend to use buggy and poke. Buggy has been used for baby ‘carriages’ or ’strollers’. However I’ve never heard it used here for golf carts!
Stephen - Management can knock the craic out of any job. Maybe your boss needs the bishop Brennan treatment. Ha! Imagine the headline: “Paddy Anglican, well known local historian and genealogist, kicks bishop up the arse”.
Sugar - I never heard “cart” used for golf buggy, but then I never played it. There is a company near me who sell/rent them - they are called “The Buggy Man”. I am far too scared to go near there for obvious reasons.
Primal - That would be an ecumenical matter
Hey Primal - just back into town and see you’ve not invited me to a date!! Woo Hoo hun, I am so not going with you to the awards. Thanks for asking, I’m flattered.
Stephen - That (somehow) reminds me - Has Cloughjordan persuaded Obama to do the grand opening of the new Tunnel of Goats?
White girl - Deadly buzz! The lads will be all jealous when they find out I don’t have a date.
Being added to his manifesto as I type - any other suggestions welcome which I will of course pass on in person in due course!