Today is exactly Tuesday. The time is precisely about 09:33. The weather is roughly rainy. It is about 6 days to the day when Americans celebrate something they know nothing about.
But most importantly, today is absolutely, precisely and exactly the first day of Cheltenham. At absolutely, precisely and exactly 2:00 this afternoon a roar will rise from the pilgrims at Prestbury Park and echo around the Cotswolds and into bars and living rooms across the length and breadth of Ireland. Those gathered in pubs here at home will roar right back at the TV and so will begin four days of the best National Hunt festival on the racing calendar.
And where will I be? Riding a high stool. Clutching my betting slip white-knuckled. Heart pounding faster than the horses’. Normally, yes. But not this year. Not today anyway. Why? Because UPS couldn’t find my house last week.
Let me rephrase that: UPS didn’t bother their arse trying to find my house last week.
I got a postcard from them yesterday. “Unable to deliver: Receiver not present, three times“. The Receiver was present. The Receiver was working from home. The Receiver didn’t even venture out to the shop as the Receiver knew a delivery was arriving.
I phoned a machine in UPS. I pressed *. (Why I had to press * before the machine told me anything more I don’t understand). The machine told me about other exciting numbers I could press. I pressed 0. The machine allowed a human on the line. The human asked for the Package Tracking Number. I gave it.
- Oh, yes. We were unable to deliver as the Receiver was not present at the given address on three days.
- So says the postcard you sent me. Bolloxs say I - I never left the house. And three days? That’s strange. The postcard says you received a parcel for me on the 6th and the postoffice stamp says the 7th.
- Is your house difficult to find?
- Well, I’ve never lost it. It is a pretty sizeable structure made of concrete blocks and stuff. It would be hard not to find.
- I mean is the address difficult to find?
- No more than any other rural address. Rural roads don’t have signposted names and rural houses don’t have numbers, but finding the general area isn’t difficult, if that’s what you mean. Then it’s just a matter of asking someone for more precise directions. Why I’ve even heard of drivers calling the number on the delivery docket and being guided by the Receiver. Yeah, mad isn’t it. I don’t suppose your drivers ever do that?
- We have no phone number for you.
- Really! My number is on the postcard you sent me. Look, why don’t I just give you the GPS co-ordinates?
- We don’t have that. Can you just give me directions? We’ll send the package out tomorrow.
Virtually every delivery I (don’t) get is the same. The courier company send a postcard a week later. The excuses are always the same few: No one at home, unable to locate address, or just failed to deliver, x times.
Why am I penalised for living rurally? This is where I was born, bred and buttered. I love it here. Why should I move to an urban area just to suit courier companies?
This is not about Ireland not having postcodes other than in Dublin. This is not about rural areas not having road names. This is not about rural dwellers not knowing the GPS co-ords of their home. This is about economics. This about a driver who is paid per drop - in a town or village, even without road names and house numbers he can do 10 in an hour - in a rural area, with the distances involved, he may only do 1 in an hour. Grand, I have 10 drops in Naas. Lovely. €50 for an hour. 1 for some tool called Sneeze out in the sticks. Fek that. I’ll just say I couldn’t find the place.
But why won’t the courier companies admit this? Why won’t they just come straight out and say no to rural deliveries? I suspect there are three reasons: 1) They still make some money on rural drops. 2) Rural dwellers get these postcards and fall for the courier’s excuses - they drive to the depot to pick up the parcel and hence do the courier’s work for them. Free of charge. 3) If they refuse to do rural deliveries they would be ruling themselves out of the running for a piece of the pie if the postal service were to be privatised.
I really think we need some rebranding. Let’s call them absolutely, precisely and exactly what they are:
UPS = Urban Parcel Service. DHL = Dublin & HinterLand. SDS = Special Dublin Services. FedEx = Fek Everyone, Dublin Excepted.
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It’s the same here. In the middle of Brussels. But they do actually come to the apartment building and leave a postcard saying nobody was at home, when I’d be sitting waiting patiently, and sometimes even see the damn van driving off.
They just don’t want to ring the doorbell, push the door, take a lift up a few floors and deliver the fecking package.
If they wanted, I’d even go *down* to them. But it’s just easier for them to pop a note in the postbox saying nobody was home.
Feckers.
I thought Kildare was in Dublin now?
Is there any recourse to this - do they have small print they can be hung on or does it absolve them of lying? I’d like to see a license to be a courier revoked based on this. Do we have a courier Ombudsman? Should we?
I have the same problem with Royal Mail!
The delivery men are allergic to Doorbells. AND NO, they know nothing about my Toyboys so don’t you start!
I was a postman in Dublin in one of my many previous professions. Cutting corners to reduce the time on the road was common practice. I didn’t have a van, just a bike to deliver and at xmas it was hell. I’d imagine UPS are cutting the same corners but would also expect the guy in the van has a ridiculous amount of packages to deliver in a short space of time. Management should be accountable and if enough people kicked up a fuss they would be. Start an internet petition - I’ll be first to sign! btw - its not just rural areas, the same thing happens in the big city!
Oh - and never mind all this (non) delivery business - have you gone and done it again? Left it too late to run a pool for the Gold Cup? Well if you have, consider this your reminder for the National this year.
I’m touching wood here, in the deepest sticks, but they always ring when they get to a local town and then arrive about 20mins later. All of the above ‘carriers’.
Interflora refuse to deliver to rural addresses. We tried to arrange a delivery for the mammy about a year ago which never turned up. Several phone calls later I finally got through to a person who informed me they wouldn’t deliver to our address. Would I have an address in a town they could deliver to? No I wouldn’t, I only have one mother and she only has the one house. Did they have any intention of ringing me to tell me they wouldn’t deliver to that address? Yes, they were getting around to it. Was a week not long enough to get around to it? Apparently not. Would they be good enough to refund the money they had taken (instantly) off my credit card. Indeed they would. It would just take a few weeks to go through.
But an even better one was when a fairly bad car crash happened at the cross outside my parent’s house a couple of years ago. The road is unmarked and the ditch grows over the sign (shur why would rural crossroads need to be marked or signposted?) and one car ended up ploughing into another. We called an ambulance and gave them directions. 20 minutes later we saw the ambulance speed past the bottom of the road. They didn’t stop till they hit the next village and realised they’d gone wrong. Apparently UPS aren’t the only ones without GPS.
You need an ombudsboot to give them an ombudskick up their ombudsbums. Or a post office box. Does your local one accept deliveries on behalf of its customers? It’s inconvenient, I know it, but it might mean stuff actually gets to you. That novelty right there might make it worth it.
AM ~ Feckers - very well put. Did you ever wait downstairs and catch them in the act? Or non-act?
Eolaí ~ The opposite: Dublin is now in Kildare. You guys came down here. You moved not us.
If I were the sender/shipper I might have some recourse. As the receiver, I doubt that I matter.
Grannymar ~ They probably all remember the Hallow’een when you hooked up a 240V supply to the doorbell. Just for fun like.
Quickie ~ Good point about too much being asked of the soldiers by the generals. Very good point.
I’ll pass on the Internet petition - they are as worthless as the paper they’re written on.
Eolaí again ~ The Gold Cup is on Friday, so there is time. I think. Prize suggestions? Oh, and one for the National is a definite.
Conan ~ If you were touching cloth, not wood, and they were delivering loo roll, I could understand why they’d do their best to get to you so quickly.
You are one of the lucky ones. I honestly never got that service (except for one time from Dublin & HinterLand).
Caro ~ You should have sued Interflora for every petal they have. That was downright mean. No one should mess with a mammy.
The ambulance one is more common than you think. I’ve often been asked for directions. But at least they do ask. They couldn’t really send a postcard later saying “sorry we couldn’t locate the scene of your accident. Please come to the hospital to collect your life-saving treatment”.
Sam ~ I appreciate what you’re saying but that would be giving in to the couriers. Being a stubborn git and all, I won’t do that - I’ll make them do their job.
Hey there. UPS has money back guarantee, so you can always ask for refund when they are running late with deliveries.
Indre ~ Only when I’m the sender. Not when I’m the receiver.
Where are you?
Sorry where did you say?
End of the lane?
Which lane sorry?
Left or right at the junction?
What was the name again?
Sorry did you say you haven’t got a house number?
Yes, Yes, this is DHL 24 hour ‘we deliver anytime anywhere worldwide’ service, BUT we do have limits you know MR SNEEZE !
We just need geographically based post codes and the couriers are crying out for them on their SatNav’s - we are testing a Post Code system for Ireland on Garmin SatNav’s right now -see here for full details:- http://www.gpsireland.ie/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=47&Itemid=79
Gary Delaney
GPS & Positioning Consultant
GPS Ireland
White girl ~ You got it there with the “BUT we have limits” part.
Gary ~ Thanks for the input. It being Cheltenham week I have far more pressing interests at the moment, but I will return to study your system at the weekend. At first glance, yes, I like it for a lot of reasons. In particular that there is no need for a database and that the codes are extensible to include floor levels etc. I would like it a lot if you were to tell me the algorithm for converting the codes to GPS co-ords will be open-source.
While I can see it being a great aid to couriers and the like, I doubt it will help counter the poor customer service offered by these companies. The crux of my post was that these outfits just don’t bother trying to do drops in rural areas as it is uneconomic to do so. A location-code system will not rectify that.
ps. If you wish to use your website as a tool to gain the public’s support for your system, I would suggest paring down the content - too much detail will turn most readers off. Set aside the nitty gritty detail as optional “further information” for us geeks.
not really so. I might spoil my reputation now, having said that I work for UPS. There are many cases however, when the receiver can also get the refund. Had to deal with cases like that over here…
Indre - Your rep is unspoilt - on this blog anyway. In fact, I admire your supporting your employer.
I admit that as a receiver, I never actually tried getting recompense. Perhaps I should have. I always left it to the sender to seek that. Maybe next time.