Primal Sneeze

You can get some really cool stuff from Argos. You can from Tesco too. In fact they have a whole section dedicated to cool stuff. Even one for frozen.

I wanted one of these from Agros. (Click to biggilize the image) Why would I want one of those? you ask. Well I am the lad with a pot plant instead of a TV remember.

Now word spreads fast around here and pretty soon heads began popping over hedges like prairie dogs. I hear you’re off to Argos, Primal. Hate the kip meself. ‘Number 572 to the collection point please’ - It’s like that Logan’s Run we used watch on telly where they all get called into the thing that kills them … Yeah, yeah, yeah, Pat - what ya want? Oh, not me. Herself. She wants a nudeless statue for the garden or something.

And so, as the day wore on, the list got longer.

The thing about Argos that we men love is you can ring-and-reserve or check-and-reserve. Except for the Logan’s Run bit, in-store time is at a minimum. Being allergic to phones and matrimony I don’t do the ring thing, so I went to their website.

I typed in barbed wire toilet seat (toilet is posh for loo or bog) and there it was. Pictured in all its glory. No copyright message. Great. I’ll save the image to show the blog readers, I thought.

Oops! Right-click was disabled. Why do they bother? Anyone with basic know-how can grab an image, right-click disabled or not. They are just annoying users. (A copyright message appeared when I right-clicked to biggificate it so the above image isn’t from Argos)

Anyway, I ordered it. And the nudeless statue for Pat’s missis.

Someone else wanted an adaptor. Not too bad. At least it wasn’t a true electrical item. Not so long ago Argos.ie didn’t allow electrical items to be ordered online. Why? The site couldn’t yet handle WEEE (waste electrical and electronic equipment) charges apparently. Maybe it still can’t - the About page says it can’t. The directive dates from 2002 and Ireland implemented it in August 2005. How much time did they need?

They wanted a coffee table too. Maybe as somewhere to display the adaptor. (Oh, that old thing. We picked it up on one of the Greek islands I think - on Argos I think it was). But oh oh, again. It wasn’t coming up on the site whether I searched by description or even by the catalogue number. The message I got was to consult the catalogue. Eh, the same one where I got the damn part number in the first place?

I checked the site map to see if any page might provide help. I got sidetracked by the one on security. It explained how to set preferences in Netscape. And about how SSL was being employed. It wasn’t - no need when you can’t pay online in advance.

I thought about phoning and broke into a cold sweat. Luckily I had a great excuse not to - the number flashed at me was a UK one. My patience was running out and I lost interest in searching for an Irish helpline.

According to a source close to the Sneeze, items for home delivery (furniture etc. that aren’t carried in stock) can only be ordered in-store. Oh, and if you live outside Dublin you pay a surcharge of nearly €30. Dubs pay €7.50.

Right, so I could order two items, go to the store, collect them, buy another there and then and order the fourth for delivery later. It all kind of defeated the purpose of an online facility, but it would have to do. And it did.

Until I was about to leave. Pat’s missis changed her mind about the nudeless statue. Something to do with offending Nora the Explorer’s sensibilities. We couldn’t have something like that in the garden, now could we?

To avoid more confusion when I got to the store I thought I’d take it off the order. Not possible. Or if it was, it wasn’t clear how to. Their tough, not mine.

That was Saturday. I’d go on Sunday morning. But what time did they open? The site didn’t have that information. Yahoo! and Google searches for “Argos opening times/hours” brought back links to rants on boards.ie and websites of shopping centres in which Argos is located.

Tesco.ie is an entirely different kettle of fish. Not that kettles are great places to keep fish.

I have only one issue with Tesco.ie and I seldom use their home-delivery service because of it: Due to Ireland’s really screwed up system of postal addresses, deliveries would be made from the store three times further from me as the nearest one. Their tough, not mine, you might say. True, but I’d just rather not have a driver waste time or fuel. I’m weird that way. I’m far from being a non-fundamentalist environmentalist (hey Ronnie Reagan, I’m black and I’m pagan, I’m gay and I’m left and I’m free) type of fella, but I just hate waste.

So I usually login to Tesco.ie to find out opening hours (they show all that, fair play), view what is on special offer, compare prices, get suggestions and/or check if they stock a particular brand of cat poison. Then I know exactly what I’m going to buy when I visit. i.e. A commando raid - easy in, easy out, and no trolley rage.

What I really, really, really love is their Express Shopper toy facility. Try it! (Again, click to biggilize the image) It is cooler than a bald polar bear’s butt. Rather than browsing each section or doing searches, you type up your shopping list, click Find Now and little webbot in a Tesco uniform runs around the database and brings back stuff to show you. Hey look. How about this? Or maybe this would be better. Whatcha think? Huh? Huh? And I go, nah, show me what else you have and it does. Or maybe I’d say, that looks interesting, tell me more, and it virtually displays the label text to me.

And if I wish to waste a driver’s time and fuel I can. I can even add a note telling the order-picker to get me an alternative of my choosing if Kitty-Kill^® cat poison isn’t available. Or substitute their own choice, which can be dodgy - I was given Dead-Doggie^® once. Or get me nothing, which can be safer.

The Mulley man has been posting about the upcoming Irish Web Awards in October. If usability is to be a major criterion in the race Tesco.ie will leave Argos.ie standing.