I haven’t posted in a few days. It’s not that I’ve been overly busy or anything, but when you’ve nothing to say it’s best to say nothing.
And anyway, nothing of interest happened. Until yesterday, when I (got) volunteered to count and bag the proceeds of a street collection. Doesn’t sound interesting? The thrill of handling those grubby, disease-carrying coins doesn’t make you sit up?
Me neither. But what I am always intrigued by is
a) What the final tally will be and
b) What weird items I will find.
This time, there was c) A coin-counter. A machine! A brand new toy to play with.
Yes, we could use one of those in-store counters but the shops take a percentage. That 5% or whatever is better off in the charity’s coffers than Quiki Mart’s. After one or two uses our machine will have paid for itself.
When I say our, I mean the local branch of the organisation. The national body bought the counters, distributed them, and cross-charged the, let’s call them, sub-offices. That’s what they are - sub-offices. Large charities function like corporations. That can be great for the individual branches in terms of support with advertising, filing accounts and so on, but let me tell you it is a nightmare when it comes to buying coin-counters.
Some loo-laa in the purchasing department at HQ bought a pallet of household counters. The type Mrs. Mulligan uses to tot up the €150 in her change jar the week before Punchestown, not the type you need to handle 2 or 3 grand. (Have you ever tried lifting €3k in change, by the way? Don’t!)
So I struggled with c) the counter, cleaning the sensors and letting it cool down periodically, all the while refining my guess at what a) the final total, would be, but it did give me pauses in which to study b) the weird items. That’s the bit that always gives me most amusement.
Invariably there are four groupings.
1. Foreign (non-Euro) coins; 2. miscellaneous metal objects; 3. religious trinkets; 4. old Irish coins.
Foreign coins I can understand. They are in circulation. And a piece of a broken keyring can easily get mixed up in change.
Holy medals. I reckon 3.7 per €1,000 on average. Maybe they could be classified under the miscellaneous objects category. But I can’t help thinking some people believe they are imparting something of value. Thanks. We appreciate the gesture, but unfortunately the bank won’t take them. There is no little box on their lodgement slips saying St. Martin deHarley of the Motorbikes :: Grade A Blessed by a Pope/B Blessed by a Biker/C Unblessed [Delete as applicable] :: Quantity :: Value.
Old Irish coins really get me for two reasons. Firstly some of the damn things happily pass through this machine as genuine denomination and I have to fish them out and start over. (Hint to HQ: A good machine would catch them). Secondly, why in the name of the mother of the six sniffling infants are people carrying these around in their pockets?
Is that it? Do people purposely fill one pocket with junk specifically for collection boxes? Something metal that will make a coin-like clink? Right hand pocket: Mine for spending. Left hand pocket: Props for them.
Look! We don’t mind if you just decline. Honestly! All you have to say is “no thanks” or “not today”. Or just shake your head. Or stare at the ground. There is no need to be embarrassed. Maybe you can’t spare anything. Fine. Maybe your charity of choice is The Brewer’s Droop Research Fund and you’d prefer support (?) only it. We understand.
Your coins are welcome. Even the 1 and 2 cents. (They came to €19 this time - that will pay a carer for 2 hours. See? It all helps.) But don’t give junk just because you’re shy - it only creates work and inconvenience.
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