Car salesmen
By Primal Sneeze ~ June 22nd, 2008. Filed under: Driving, Friends, Irish identity, Plonkers, Relatives, Women.
Listen, Sneezy, I was wondering …
I hate it when it starts like that.
That usually means I’m about to asked to do something soul destroying like go to Boots and pick her up a jar of Wrinkle-Eze™. And I can’t find it on the shelf. And I have to get help. And they snigger and ask is it for yourself, sir? And I might get embarrassed. Or I might get mad and think about slapping me lad on the counter saying something like take the wrinkles out of that. But I don’t because I’d get arrested and have to go to court. Mr. Sneeze, you are accused of one count of lad-slapping on a counter at Boots, a pharmacy, on Main Street at a time unknown on Thursday, June 19th. And more importantly I don’t because that isn’t the type I am and anyway there’s always the risk the assistant might hit me and I’d end up in wards one, two and three of the local hospital.
This time was to be worse. Far worse. Far, far worse.
We’re thinking of changing our car and I was wondering would you go look at these for us when you’re out - I’m stuck for time and you’ll be passing all these showrooms, she says handing me a scroll longer than a plumber’s waiting list. Get prices. I’m thinking, brochures, you could get brochures, she says.
Get stuffed, I’m thinking.
I dislike cars. I really dislike sales people. Combine the two and it’s like a green flag to a unionist.
I gave in eventually.
Howya. I’d like to take a gander at the Muzdy 5½ Tiddely Die loadza litres with go faster spots and room for a pony, please.
I just got one in yesterday. (They always “just got one in yesterday”). So what are you driving now?, he asks as we walk between the rows.
A 10-year-old green thing with a tape deck and four new tyres. Any clue where I can get blank tapes by the way?
Tapes?!?! Not the foggiest. Now there’s a reason to be changing for sure. (Big laugh and a wink at the receptionist).
The car’s grand. Just had the NCT. Submissions couldn’t be lower. High distinctions. Great extractions. All sorts of good results. A1s across the board if it was doing the Leaving. No way am I changing it for another ten years - it has new tyres. Now will ya just show me this jallopy so I can move on to the next ad for Windolene™.
Ah, I see. It’s for the little woman then. Better you do the looking - the little women don’t know anything about cars, heh, heh.
She’s someone else’s “little woman”, not mine. And as far as I’m aware she’s fairly genned up on cars.
The Muzdy 5½ Tiddely Die loadza litres with go faster spots and room for a pony is a pretty big car - you must have a large family. Ho, ho, good man yourself. Heh, heh.
Hello! Rewind the tape. (I forgot they don’t do tape anymore). Not my “little woman”. Just show me a Muzdy 5½ Tiddely Die loadza litres with go faster spots and room for a pony, tell me the prices - the list one and the real one, give me the bumph - full specs. not pretty pictures, and let me get going.
Dead right. Shur the little woman would be here all day asking me about colours. We’ll get the job done in jig time.
It was the same story in the other three showrooms.
… Four years previously …
With her car already sold, I volunteered to drive a friend around so she could look for a replacement. No matter how often either of us explained the car was to be for her, to be bought with her money, to be driven by her and that I was only tagging along, every single sales guy addressed the questions to me. If she asked about something, it was to me it was explained. Eye contact score: 90-10. And that was with me staring into space half the time.
Some things never change.
So true! I used to have a mechanic friend named Ruth. She was the classiest fashionable girl and you’d never know she was a mechanic unless you looked really closely at her hands.
We used to have great craic when any of us girls had car issues or were in the market. We’d bring her in with us and play dumb and when the fellas played right into it she’d have at them. It was hysterical!
Sexist, but one instance of it that doesn’t really bother me. As long as I’ve got AC and a passenger mirror, I couldn’t care less. Let himself handle it!
@Deborah - Reminds me of a beautiful girl (and I mean hotter than hell) I know who is a sales exec for steel in the heavy engineering industry. New clients or new buyers in existing clients never take her seriously at first. Until she wraps them in knots with her knowledge.
When I last went looking for a car, one of the showrooms I visited had several salesmen playing shuffle the papers with no interest in me. I walked around all the models on the floor and eventually I opened the door to one of them… no reaction from the paper shufflers so I slammed the car door shut and moved on to the next one.
Eventually heads were lifted and one of the guys asked ‘Do you want something?’ ‘Well I didn’t come here to buy a pint of milk’ I said. A chair scraped slowly back from one of the desks and occupant moved in my direction.
I waited until he reached me at the far side of the room and then said ‘I am so pleased for you that you have reached your sales target for this month! I did come to purchase a car, but since you neither had the manners or courtesy to acknowledge my presence here, I have decided to take my money elsewhere’.
Slamming the car door I wished him a nice day and walked out!
@Grannymar - Absolutely fabulous! I love it.
The opportunity seldom comes along but whenyou get one like that you just have to relish it.
ah - now its working better - maybe just a glitch - never had a car - never owned anything of material value - can’t be of much service here
@Quickroute - Ha! No service. Well done! Subtle pun of the day.
Cars are over-rated… I’ll stick with the buses for now. I may have to wait about an hour to get one, and then an hour or two for the journey(s), but at least (for me) it’s free
I foolishly thought I got a great deal on my car last year only to discover I paid a fortune and they can’t give them away now - sigh
Not only are some mechanics out and out rude with their sexism but they’re opportunistic buggers too. They’ll try and sell you on all sorts of unnecessary extras if you’re a woman and if you have car-seats in the back they will try and claim not doing such and such will compromise the safety of your children. I say no, they shake their heads in lamentation at my poor mothering and suck air through their teeth.
I come away congratulating myself for not being bamboozled into getting extra unneeded services.
My husband goes in a few days later to collect the car only to find that, thinking I was to collect the car, they’ve gone ahead and done half the stuff I told them not to anyway, in the hopes that I’d just crumble and pay up.
Grrrrrrr!
@TheChrisD - About ten years ago I sold my then car. Everyone was shocked and no one understood I really didn’t need one - I had just started a job on a bus route and was living on one then too. And there were company cars available for me to use if needed during business hours.
I loved the freedom of not owning a car. Strange that, because most associate car-ownership with freedom.
@flirty - I’ve hear similar horror stories many times.
ps. If it’s a Kangoo or Berlingo van, I’m in the market. Doubt it is though.
@problemchildbride - Garages are the last bastion of sexism.
Coincidentally the woman I mention in the post phoned me yesterday while her car was being serviced. They told her she needed four new tyres. €400 + taxes + labour. Do I really need new tyres, Sneezy?
I said, maybe, but not from that garage. Say no thanks. Then bring it around to such-and-such tyre shop and get a second opinion. If they reckon you do, then buy from them.
She now has four new tyres. €250 all included.
Loving all the wee bells and whistles you’ve got going on here, Sneezers!
@problemchildbride - I’m quite partial to my bells and whistles. You’d want to see the stuff that’s ringing and whistling on the Admin side!
With a little more work I reckon I can get the blog to write itself.
Hi Primal!
I am a woman (YES!) and I don’t understand a thing about mechanics of a car. I just got a new - used car, my baby, little honda civic hatch 1997. When we went to look at it, Niall opened the bonnet (is it what you call the front LID of the car?) and looked at it, touched bits and pieces (how rude) and all around appeared to know what he was doing. I stood back and laughed, he doesn’t have a clue - I know it, he knows it… But more importantly I am sure the salesdude knew it too. So if he wanted to sell us a lemon we would have bought a lemon. Luckily it turned out to be a little beaut. So this time we got lucky! I am going to take a course on car engine and mechanics stuff, so I will impress the next salesman when I am buying a new honda next… That and I will not just giggle and nod when the car dude is telling me technical stuff.
@Gaye - Yep, bonnet. The Yanks say hood. Niall was right to do that. My motto in these cases is when in doubt, spoof. It sometimes pays off.
This reminds me: There is a website here in Ireland that you can use (for a fee) to check a second hand car’s history. I’m sure buyers find it useful. www[dot]motorcheck[dot]ie/
By the way everybody, Gayé has moved again. Not just to Oz, but to gaudiumdelingua.
The Italian is a mechanic so I don’t have these problems. Then again, I don’t have a car so I wouldn’t have them anyway.
I got fecked over with my Vespa though (in Ireland), which was my own fault because they saw me coming - I knew absolutely nothing about scooters and it was obvious. So in the end I bought a Haynes manual and some basic tools and learned how to change cables and clean the carburettor and air filter and basic stuff like that that often goes wrong, and found a decent mechanic through the scooter community to fix the rest.
This is what the internet is for. I’ve bought 3 cars online, all were way cheaper than the prices quoted at the dealership. In fact most manufacturers really need to get cars of the lot to make place for new inventory. If an online broker has a customer, they will assign a car from the dealership to the broker. We were shopping working online, but called around to the dealers just to price compare. One dealer quoted us price X, an online brokerage quoted me lower price Y, we bought from them, and when we went to pick it up, it was the same car as the dealer had offered, (the papers have to say where it came from).
When I say we above, I mean my wife, who could haggle any car dealer no matter how oily into a teary mess. She is half Indian, the worlds master hagglers. I’ve seen her bargain at the supermarket!
@Caro - That reminds of years ago when my neighbour was getting messed about by the garage. She bought some books too and began doing her own basic maintenance. Then she decided the only way to learn properly was to dismantle her Honda 70 and rebuild it. And she did. In the kitchen. It took a week, not the few hours she’d reckoned.
But she never went near a garage again. Services her own car and her son’s now.
@JohnMc - Mac, I’m getting to like your wife more and more. Haggling at the supermarket takes bargain hunting to a whole new level.
Cha, thanks Mr Sneeze, that sure is a handy site. I heard stories how they decrease the mileage in the car and other sorts of dodgy stuff. I have a friend who actually understands a bit about cars and I asked him if he could suggest a trustworthy mechanic he knows, he said there is no such thing unless he is a childhood friend or family.
Oh well.
G
PS: I saw you peeked! So where’s the hello?
@Gaye - He he! A post about a childhood friend who is a mechanic is in draft.
I tried hello-ing, but comments are restricted to Google/Blogger and OpenID only. Name/URL isn’t available. Sooorrrry!
argh, ok fixed now. I thought all about that was covered under PERMISSIONS but there was another setting called COMMENTS. D’oh!
Me soooorrrry.
G
International Linguist of Mystery! Why thank you
@Gaye - Well done! You’re the first to notice one of the blog’s secret bits.
woo hoo! you and your fancy pants blog bits are going to be the reason of a third move for me… move to wordpress that is…
@Gaye - WordPress rocks! Even WordPress.com sites are better than Blogger.com (or whatever it’s called). I am preparing to welcome you to the fold.
@Gaye - Another blogger who makes the right decision on their blogging platform