Ireland is in recession the media tell us. The ESRI, the body the media get their economic information from, tell us Ireland can expect to be in recession by some stage this year.
I’m taking no chances.
As a good citizen I will be doing my bit for the recession. Starting today I will do my best not to spend money.
Here is my plan thus far. Suggestions welcome.
- Travel: I will move my laptop from the den into my bedroom. Distance travelled to work each day will be reduced by a staggering 5.8 metres.
- Clothing: I intend ripping up old bandages to make shirts. When these shirts become old they will be ripped up to make bandages.
- Medical: I will not get sick. I will avoid all contact with others to prevent infection.
- Social interaction: When compelled to meet with others I will portray an air of despondency, gloom and hopelessness. I will moan and complain so they too can become gloomy, despondent and hopeless.
- Dietary: I will skimp on meals and use the savings to buy food. The dog will be fed every second day and muzzled every other.
- Entertainment: I will not go to the pub on Fridays. Instead I will sit at the kitchen table for a couple of hours laughing my head off and periodically visiting the bathroom saying excuse me, sorry there to the furniture. I will encourage my friends to do the same in their own homes.
- Employment: I will turn down 7% of all new contracts offered. I will leave here and return to where I came from (see point 1) or I may move to the garden shed to work (at odds with point 1).
Okay. This plan is as yet far from perfect. But it is a start. I encourage you all to do your bit for the recession. We have not had this opportunity since the 80s. Let’s not waste it.
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