Primal Sneeze

I don’t know much about Pharisees. Maybe they’re the folks that make the telescopes.

But as a stereotypical Irish male, I know all there is to know about Publicans. Stingy robbing bastards the lot of them^{[no citation needed]}. The bastard that owns my local has rubber pockets in his jeans for robbing soup.

Down through the years the local publican was seen as a pillar of the community. I recall two occasions in the 80s that my local pub owner acted as character witness for an individual charged with public order offences, or whatever we called them then - messing? Minor-ish charges.

In the Age of Enlightenment, we began to see them for what they were. Pubs and pub licenses changed hands in the 90s for astronomical amounts of money. Backwater publicans became sidewinder multi-millionaires over night. They fought the smoking ban. The fought against stricter drink-driving laws. All in the best interest of the customer, of course. Figure that! Yet prices charged across the counter continued to rise. And rise dramatically.

There were justifications trotted out for this. Higher staff costs was a common one. I never really got my head around that - how would wages rise at a time when publicans were replacing local workers with much lower-paid immigrants? Well, I suppose they figured if we believed it from the builders, we’d believe it from them.

Overheads. Ah yes, overheads. Now that was a doozy. It was the ultimate cover-all excuse. Never explained. It didn’t have to be. My overheads have risen. No details needed. None given. It may have had something to do with golf club fees, holidays in Dubai and new SUVs.

The best of all by a long shot was the old reliables of the brewery, the VAT and the duty. I use the singular was intentionally. These were rattled off as a single item. In one breath. No commas. Guinness-put-the-pint-up-then-there’s-the-VAT-and-duty.

By another long shot I am no tax accountant, but this does not compute with me. Does not compute. Does not compute.

Duty. Excise duty on alcohol is levied by the State on the basis of volume of alcohol, not sale value. So the duty owing on a pint of beer costing €2 is exactly the same as on one costing €20. It is a flat amount. Don’t tell me that businesses trading in liquor don’t know that!

For anyone who wants to play with the figures, the current rate for beers of above 1.2% alcohol by volume is €19.87 per Hectolitre per cent of alcohol. You won’t though - it’s too complicated. The publicans like it that way - you’ll get a headache trying to work it out and it’ll be easier just accept what they tell you.

To further complicate matters, the Irish government’s love of double taxation means that, VAT is levied on the duty. A tax is, itself, taxed.

Now, what does a publican pay for a pint of Guinness for example? I reckon any publican paying more than €2.67 is out of his head based on what Homekegs.ie charge. That’s €2.20 before VAT.

Guinness recently mooted the idea of increasing their prices by 2%. The media reported this could extrapolate into an 8cent increase at the pumps. How? Take that €2.20 pre VAT wholesale price and deduct excise duty of 50cent^{[Note: My effort at working out the above rates]} leaves €1.70. A 2% increase is 3.4cent.

So the publican is selling now at €4.00 per pint, or €3.30 before VAT. To recoup the increase his pre-VAT price rises to €3.334, or €4.04 (rounded up) after VAT. A 4cent increase which he will round up again to €4.05.

But what he will actually do is add 2% to his VAT inclusive price of €4.00 to get €4.08, which is the figure quoted by the media and which he will then round up to €4.10.

Guinness get 3.4cent extra and the publican gets 6.6cent. Ask why a meagre 2% increase has put the price of your pint up so much and you will be told Guinness-put-the-pint-up-then-there’s-the-VAT-and-duty.