The pre-party - part 2

I played with the Cat for hours yesterday. Great craic. I think the Cat enjoyed it too. Pretending it had voice control was fun too - “Yo! Back, Ho” for reverse and so on.

A large area has been cleared and graded off, ready for the bouncy slug/train/whatever and some fancy concert-like fake grass will be rolled out so the kids don’t get mired in the mud.

The only problem was a large hole, originally dug for another purpose^[1], had filled with water. It should really have been pumped out but without the equipment the only option was to fill it in and hope for the best. The best didn’t turn out great. It’s a mess. A soaking wet muddy mess. (If anyone needs livery for a water buffalo, contact me.)

Cap in hand, I went to explain:

- How bad is it? I’m afraid to look.

- Well, kids below the age of 8 would probably be swallowed up. And older ones with growth deficiences.

- Okay. Let me check the guest list. Dum dee dum dee dum … Not good - we’re looking at a loss of 24.7% of invited offspring.

- If I fenced it off I could probably get that down under 10%. You’ll always get a few breakers. Would that do?

- Maybe. Though a 100% survial rate would be better. Parents get touchy.

- Right let’s look at the list again.

- Well, there’s the Galberstowns^[2] - those lads are pansies. They’ll run a mile from the sight of mud. Safe there.

- What about the Carlows?

- They’re old enough to have sense. And they can keep the smaller ones away. Now the Kilcocks - they aren’t the brightest - they’ll be first to fall in.

- The Carlows can pull them out if I leave some rope handy.

- Yeah. Do that. Now let’s see. The Timolins are born breakers. They’ll just have to go where they’re told not to.

- So we lose the Timolins. If it’s just them we’re not too bad.

- No. This isn’t as bad as I thought. We can’t do anything about the Saggarts - if there wasn’t a swamp they’d make one and jump into it. I think it’ll be okay.

- Grand so. I fence it off, leave a rescue rope and handcuff the Timolins to the gate.

- Yeah. Sorted.

[1] Apparently the County Council insist you buy a graveyard plot from them.

[2] With extended families where most have the same surname it’s normal to avoid confusion by referring to them by where they live, such as the Cork Kellys, Naas Kellys, Navan Kellys and so on. Our clan, being abnormal, dispense with the surname altogether.

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15 Comments so far (Add 1 more)

Can you imagine what it was like in our family… both sides had the same name pity they couldn’t agree on the spelling!

1. Grannymar on August 21st, 2008 at 10:49 am
There is something for the Gaeltacht nós then,
a Phrimal Phrimail Phrimailín Dhubh?

If 20,000 young gurriers (including two of mine) could survive Punchestown, ye’ll be grand.

2. aonghus on August 21st, 2008 at 11:24 am
‘they aren’t the brightest - they’ll be first to fall in’
Survival of the fittest no?

3. Conortje on August 21st, 2008 at 12:51 pm
@Grannymar - Mate of mine was born Smith. When he found out his great-grandparents had changed it from Smyth (when they converted to Catholicism - go figure) he kicked up and changed it back.

@aonghus - My mechanic was one of the organisers. He reckoned the muck and rain made gurrier-control much easier.

@Conortje - That’s it in a nutshell.
btw: Darwin never said that. It has to be the most common of all misquotes.

4. Primal Sneeze on August 21st, 2008 at 1:56 pm
were you watching the Dawkins series? depressing, uplifting stuff.

5. Rosie on August 21st, 2008 at 2:25 pm
@Primal Sneeze - Well then. Maybe you shouldn’t have tried to reduce the mud? My gurriers appear to have been somewhat tamed by it alright. But they’re back to normal now, faraor.

6. aonghus on August 21st, 2008 at 3:44 pm
One side of our lot had an extra letter added. Yet when you trace back through the generations they each spelt it the other way. The side with the shortened version had started out with the long name and visa versa Must have been the times when they could’t spell so just slapped it down!

7. Grannymar on August 21st, 2008 at 4:54 pm
I’d have just left the mud there. You know kids (and music festival going adults), they have to go wallow in it

8. TheChrisD on August 21st, 2008 at 6:32 pm
“Play it again, Sam” is another famous misquote.

Not that this has anything to do with anything. I just can’t think of anything to say about mud but was feeling voluble.

9. Caro on August 22nd, 2008 at 8:46 am
Tell them it’s a haunted mire where the ghosts of dead teachers grasp at the ankles of the young trying to drag them down to their certain doom - a limbo where the time is always 5 minutes to 4 but never, ever reaches the 4 o’clock going home bell.

To illustrate the idea of the dead grabbing you from ‘neath the earth, have them watch Carrie. Then tell them to run along and enjoy themselves.

10. problemchildbride on August 22nd, 2008 at 10:44 pm
@Everyone - I’m not ignoring your comments. Well, okay, I am. But it’s just that I’ve been mad busy. And will be until this party’s over. On top of all the preparations that need doing, the Spains arrived Thursday. They are no help to me unless you consider help to be complaining of the cold, drinking my wine and continually asking why an ex-prime minister would lower himself to host a TV talk show.

I’ll update you on everything come Monday. I may even have some pics.

11. Primal Sneeze on August 23rd, 2008 at 4:40 am
Get a pic of you shoving a kid into the “haunted mire”

12. TheChrisD on August 23rd, 2008 at 12:39 pm
I suggest you fill the hole with water and have a good ol’ mud wrestling competition amongst the guests

13. Quickroute on August 24th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Foxy Boxing an option?

14. flirty on August 26th, 2008 at 9:50 am
@Quickroute & @TheChrisD - Damn day turned out warm, sunny and dry - Spoiled all the fun for me.

@flirty - What?!?!

_____________________________

@All - I’ll get around to posting about the party at the weekend. Once the nightmares have stopped.

15. Primal Sneeze on August 28th, 2008 at 4:43 am