Sneezy goes to town
By Primal Sneeze ~ September 5th, 2008. Filed under: Uncategorized.
Wednesday gone, I made my first trip into Dublin in many, many years. Hopefully it will be as long again before I have to return. What I detest most is the journey.
With this particular journey I well and truly went in off the black - I opted for the 9 o’clock bus thinking that most commuters would be in work by then, the bus would be near empty and the roads would clear. Seeing only a handful of passengers I figured my choice was a good one. Good man, Sneezy, says I, fair play to ya. The driver looked at me over his glasses.
The reason for so few passengers became apparent when the bus pulled off the N7 into Citywest and meandered through Jobstown, The Square and Belgard before rejoining the N7 at Newlands. And extra half hour added to the trip. Ya blitherin’ gobshite, Sneezy, says I, you would take the one and only fekin bus that goes the unscenic route wouldn’t ya. The driver looked at me over his glasses.
I called ahead to say I’d be late. We took a wrong turn. A what … how the fek could … where? Ah look, I’ll explain later.
A couple with two small children began to panic - would they make the airport by 10:30? Not a hope, said the driver over his glasses, it’ll be that by the time we connect with the Heuston-Airport feeder. The man turned white as the Klan. We moved barely 100m in the next five minutes. Even 10:30 for Heuston wasn’t looking doable.
The driver got on his phone and called a few of his taxi driver mates over his glasses. None were nearby.
Near Bluebell he hopped out and ran to an empty cab. Free? Ya free? Fare to the airport for ya. Pull in over there. I’ll block the way and let you back out. And don’t fuck them over on the fare.
He bullied the bus across the lanes blocking the traffic and the taxi made an illegal u-turn and sped off back toward the motorway. I reckon they’ll make it, he said over his glasses.
That morning I was in a bookbinders, a pharmacy, the Olympia theatre, the Central Bank, Bus Áras, a newsagents, a camera store and a hospital. In all bar the hospital I got the same level of helpful service the driver had given that family (not that I ever expected more than grunts from the HSE jobsworths anyway). It made up for arduous journey somewhat.
They made the airport, said the same driver over his glasses on the return trip. Oh it’s yourself. How do ya know? I called the number on the taxi when I got back to base. I could’ve been sacked for blocking the road like that - I’d hate to think it was all for nothing.
I love that story! I’ve had all sorts of Dublin Bus experiences, but that one is class.
Now if I knew you were going into town I’d a given you my list…
‘A yard of milk and a pint of ribbon’!
Ah yes, a return to traditional Irish ways (as befits these recessionary times).
I once got on a late bus and the driver says, “Do you know this route?” “Sure,” says I. “Sit down there, near me,” says he, waving away my money. I suspect a mate of his had had a few on his break and he was filling in on the qt. I was telling it like a tour operator all the way home.
@Ann - Another Bus Éireann one I remember: Two drivers are discussing a customer services course they were to be sent on. “Why do I need to go on that?”, said one, “shur I’m very approachable”. “Yeah, ya are”, said the other, “approachable with a shotgun”.
@Grannymar - I thought you might need them so I have them here for you. I go you a long stay and a bubble for a spirit level too.
@Conan Drumm - In my school days we directed a new driver up a side road and he got the bus jammed on a bridge. All very funny until we realised we’d have to walk home.
“The man turned white as the Klan.”
I’m adding that to my repetoire!
Thank you Mr Sneeze.
The stay might sort out my corset and the spirit level will give me the proper measure of gin now! hic!
Buses that aren’t of the “X” variety are worthless and unreliable
@Conan Drumm - I can relate. I remember having to direct many 70 and 270 bus drivers into and out of Dunboyne before while one of the roads into town was closed for bridge replacements…
@Sugar Britches - You do that, Sugar. The phrase is now © yours.
@Grannymar - Burp! Huh?
@TheChrisD -Bus Éireann don’t do the X thing. Well, they do but they don’t tell anyone. Unlike Dublin Bus.
I’ve flown navigator on the odd Dublin bus too.
The bus éireann bus from my neck of the woods often travels by convoy, and I’ve heard one driver fly the other via mobile phone…
@aonghus - I suppose if Bus Éireann ever disbands they’ll all get work in air traffic control.
That’s a great story. It’s good to know there’s people who give a damn enough to risk their job for strangers and give them the service they need.
@problemchildbride - Anyone would have done what they could for such a nice couple with small kids. (Other passengers made suggestions and calls). Blocking traffic lanes is something bus drivers do all the time to get their job done, but what really impressed me was his phoning the taxi company to make sure it worked. They will never know about that.
The fact that he called the taxi company is pure class! are you sure you’re not a bit of a jinx?
@Quickroute - Eh, I probably am. Though you’ve guessed that already.