Coming clean with the bath
By Primal Sneeze ~ September 15th, 2008. Filed under: Blogs, Gaeilge, Local, Neighbours, Pubs, Relatives.
The holiday makers arrived home from not-Galway at the weekend. I made sure their cat and Gold Finger, the fish, looked well fed and content (using drugs and a stomach pump). They knew their bath was to be used for a project at some point, but they didn’t know it already had been used. In their absence. I caught the mare, hitched up the welcome-wagon, and went around to break the news. But …
Her: The bath thing happened, didn’t it?
Me: Oh. Eh. I thought I told you.
Her: Don’t think so. I could tell anyway.
Me: The girls left everything the way they found it. Spotless. I went to put the stuff back later and they’d already done it. How could you tell?
Her: I got the smell of whatever they used for milk as soon as I walked in the door. What was that?
Me: Eh, don’t know. I think they got it from the props department. Perfectly safe. Really. I think.
Her: You thi …
[Changing subject quickly ...]
Me: Hey! Want to see the outcome?
Her: Yeah. Go on.
[I power up the laptop ...]
Her: Wow! Fekin deadly. Absolutely gorgeous.
Me: Yeah, Rosie really has doe-eyes, doesn’t she? Just like Annie said.
Her: Huh. Suppose. I was talking about my bath and my tiles. They look gorgeous.
[I show her husband ...]
Him: [Eyes light up. Big smile. Stares at screen with a 'show me more' look]
Her: Our bath looks amazing, doesn’t it, hun?
Him: [Nearly chokes]
[I change the subject quickly ... honour among thieves and that]
Me: And this [I brandish the Irish Times magazine] is Annie. In the Times. Imagine that.
Her: Does she mention my bath?
Me: Eh, no. Why would she?
Her: She should have - it’s brilliant.
Me: It’s all about women bloggers, not baths.
Her: Ah, that auld Internet shite. Boring.
[She scans the magazine]
Her: Do you know any more of these Internet people?
Me: Yes. No. Yes. Sort of. It’s hard to explain.
Her: But you did know the two that were here?
Me: Yes. No. Yes. Sort of. It’s hard to explain. Well, I know them now.
Her: Who are they anyway?
Me: Well Annie is an acclaimed graphic designer, photographer and writer from Wales who lived in Iceland for years. She did a masters in film in Dublin and made some short movies of her own. She works in Ardmore on The Tudors now, but she’s off to tour America soon.
Her: And the other girl?
Me: She’s the one who took her kit off …
Her: [Strange look] Full-time job?
Me: No. She’s a gaeilgeoir and …
Her: So she takes her kit off as Gaeilge? How?
Me: She keeps her caol le caol and her leathan le leathan, I suppose.
[She thinks a bit ...]
Her: So what else did yee do?
Me: We had tea and biscuits.
Her: Mine?
Me: Your tea, my biscuits. I had to borrow some of your teabags.
Her: That’s like borrowing Tippex.
Me: And we went for a pint in the village.
Her: So what did they think of the pub?
Me: Annie loved it. Rosie wasn’t there for long. She went off to the shop first, back, then off again somewhere else.
Her: So you went for a pint with one and a half of them?
Me: Yeah. Sort of like the Cadbury ad - a pint and a half in every half pound or something.
Her: We’re back to the milk again.
Brill tale or trail of milk.
Very gaelactose tolerant types, your pals.
An craiceann agus a luach?
Seachain an bhean ghaelach a bhfuil bainne mar ghalúnach aici!
That’s what I get for embedding a link in a pun.
Arís, gan nasc:
An craiceann agus a luach?
Seachain an bhean ghaelach a mbíonn bainne mar ghalúnach aici…
@Grannymar - Out of the fridge and into the bath beats the frying pan and fire thing any day.
@Conan Drumm - gaelactose tolerant. He he.
@aonghus - Akismet doesn’t like homepage.eircom.net - this happened before.
Good advice, by the way
Akismet? Looks like I’m predestined to fall foul of it if I link to my old homepage.
I must rehost those yarns of an astute woman elsewhere so.
@aonghus - Akismet could have a problem with the subdomain part and/or with the tilde-direct. Not sure though.
But it would be better to rehost somewhere more stable/reliable than eircom.
Go on Primal, this was your bath, wasn’t it? And btw, even if it wasn’t your bath or house, how did the gals know about the bath and the house. And if you do but don’t know the gals, ( and I know what you mean), but even if you do but don’t know the gals, how did you end up hosting the Cleopatra gig?
And , and, most importantly from a pervy adolescent and totally juvenile point of view, did you get to dive in afterwards. Did you do an Antny on it?
(I could have said in it, but I didn’t)
I so wish the photographer had taken a pic of YOU in the bath!
You showed Annie and Rosie the prop-department milk-substitute of human kindness, Sneezy. Photogenic bathtubs aren’t just lying around all over the place, you know. Don’t feel bad. If beautiful people off the internet wanted to lait around in my bath, I’d be honoured. I’d probably offer them strawberry shampoo and a something lovely with an olive in it.
What’s an Antny?
@problemchildbride - A bloke famous for having shared an asp with Cleopatra.
@Sniffle&Cry - This link will answer your first set of questions. In short, I volunteered following a rush of blood to the head. I said head.
Did I dive in? No. That would have been very Beautiful South in a painful way - Nothing quite like the sickening clout, Of the dive into pool drained out.
@Mary - Trust me - that is something you do not want to see. When I take my shirt off, the vultures circle.
@problemchildbride - Hopefully that bathtub will continue to lie where it is. It took four of us to lift that monster into place - a butt-clenching experience I have no wish to repeat.
He he. Lait around - very, very good. I like that.
@aonghus - … But Caesar had squeezed her in Rome on his quilt for a day
@Primal Sneeze - Ah, but he got away with a caesarion. Poor Anthony got badly bitten.
@aonghus - Smitten?