Just can’t get the staff these days
By Primal Sneeze ~ February 26th, 2007. Filed under: Local, Plonkers, Pubs.
Some bar staff should never set foot behind a counter. We all know that. They probably know it themselves. Publicans know it too, but hire them anyway probably because they simply can’t get anyone else.
My local has two such staff. Both part-timers. Both work full-time in customer service type roles. You’d expect them to make great drunkard’s labourers. But they are quite the opposite. I’m guessing that the few weekend hours in the pub are just a diversion. A chance to catch up on gossip with the other staff while earning a few quid. A break from the weekday’s travail of dealing with customers who have to be treated with respect. Pub clientele are not real customers. They are just folks who are going to whinge anyway so feck them! So what if I get sacked. It’s not a real job and I don’t really need the money.
This weekend I arrived into my local. “Hope you’re not looking for drink. The Two are on”, I was told. They were huddled in a corner chatting away. Pleas for service were ignored. A full ten minutes passed and still no joy. I tried again. “I’m serving someone else. Just wait”.
“No, you’re fecking not. You’re sitting there mouthing with her. Now will one of ye get off her arse and put me on a pint like you’re paid to do”.
This scene, in one form or another, is played out every weekend. But this time it took a twist.
“You don’t treat the new barmaid like this. Oh, yeah, you fawn all over her because she’s blond and pretty. You don’t like us because we’re not as good looking as her. Typical man”.
“No. I don’t like you because you’re as useful as tits on a bull and you’re more interested in nattering than doing the job you’re paid to do. And I’ve never met the new barmaid, but if she can do the job that you two obviously can’t, then get her in here and you fek off home. I don’t care if she looks like Jade Goody as long as she can pull pints”.
I was backed up by a cheer from the other patrons. I felt vindicated. But we all had to wait 15minutes for our next drink. 20 for the following.
The publican got an earful on arrival but could only offer the excuse of not being able to get staff. We know that. The problem is The Two know it too. Ireland’s pub culture is dying, but not for the reasons the media would have us believe.
My sister was a barmaid for a few years before going back to college. She was a good one, could pull a great pint, but what you’re talking about used to drive her mental. Luckily in Galway, there are thousands of folk always looking for bar work, so she was always able to get rid of these wasters.
There’s nothing more frustrating though, when all you want’s a pint.
Where I live we don’t have that luxury, Kav. No-one except the Polish, LLE’s and Chinese are interested in pub work. Unfortunately the vast majority don’t have good enough English. They can get by in shops and garages because communication is very basic – That’s €19.45 please. Thank you. Bye now. – But that’s not enough for pub work.
Is looking like Jade Goody a good thing or a bad thing? Missing the nuances all these miles away where I’ve only ever heard of her on the radio, on the internet, if ya know what I mean.
It all sounds like normal English pub culture which used to have me all high-pitched and incredulous as I would watch people who didn’t need the job slowly and reluctantly shuffle to a pump where they would press a button that automatically dispensed a pint of beer, and refuse to do anything else while the whole pub, including said barperson, watched a machine do its awful frothy job.
And now I’m in a bad humour.
That’s exactly what it was like, Eolaí! A fekin English pub. One customer at a time. Except that it was no customer at a time.
In my temper, Jade Goody was what I blurted out. I don’t know why. If I was thinking more calmly I could have come up with a much better example. As that’s what I did actually say – that’s what I put in the post.
I was a bloody good barmaid. I fucking hated everyone. No chatter from me – yis got yer pints and a root up the hole and I got back to scowling at the telly…
Hold on. That wasn’t very good at all, was it?
You were perfect, Sweary! Absolutely perfect. Exactly what we need. Let me know if you’re looking for a job. Bitch of a commute though.