All the media carried news of the EU’s decision to abandon plans to finally end the use of imperial measurements. It was lauded as a victory for the so called Metric Martyrs in the UK. (Surely that should be Imperial Martyrs as that is their cause not the metric system. Who ever heard of Roman Martyrs being fed to the lions because they were Christian?)

The Diageo were delighted too - the pubs can continue to serve pints of Guinness. The UK can keep their road signs in miles. Gold can still be traded in troy ounces.

It is important to note that this ruling applies to no other unit of measurement. The UK can still print 1 lb on their butter packaging but must also show the metric equivalent. I have not found an article that mentions acres and hectares but I assume the story is the same. Not that any estate agent uses what we call packaging when selling land. They use other ways and means.

The Irish Independent seemed overjoyed at the news although they regretfully admitted it was too late for Ireland to revert back to miles on road signs. (I’ll post the link tomorrow - the Indo make searching yesterday’s paper all but impossible unless the piece you want is in the most-read or most-emailed bracket).

So overjoyed was the Independent that they lost the run of themselves. Another article was on the heart-warming story of two-year-old Giedrute Kaledaite who travelled 25 miles as a stowaway on board a bus before being detected and reunited with her parents. I’m sure the Kaledienes, who are originally from Lithuania, had to whip out their calculator to understand just how far their daughter had journeyed.

Now high as a kite on imperial measurements, the Independent ran a piece about how Irish teenagers are taller and fatter than their predecessors. The average 14-year-old boy is now four stone heavier than his grandfather weighed when he was the same age, it reported. And while their grandfather in 1948 had an average height of 4ft 9ins, today’s 14-year-old stands at around 5ft 6ins tall. What teen reading this would have the slightest clue how heavy 4 stone is or how tall 5ft 6ins is? If the message to teens is about obesity then it will not get through using imperial measurements.

All of us under the age of 42 or so were schooled in the metric system. We were never taught about stones, pounds and ounces. We wouldn’t know how many yards or feet there are in a mile.

We do have a sense of how long a mile is having having had road signs in that unit until recent times. We know what a pint is for obvious reasons. Some of us may have been apprenticed to a tradesman who insisted we use feet and inches. Some may have lived in the UK and US and had to adopt to their measurements. But most under 40’s do not have a solid grasp of imperial measurement.

The Irish Independent needs to realise that, EU decision or not, metric is the statutory standard of this country. By using imperial that newspaper is alienating it’s readers.

Getting asked to take a look at a computer is something I dread. Past experiences [1, 2] have generally been frustrating due to low levels of IT literacy. I don’t blame the users - manufacturers and sellers market their products as plug-and-play and self-maintaining. User expectations are too high. Who would buy a car not knowing how to drive or that it needs regular servicing?

When asked to take a look, I seldom refuse - It is nearly always a friend or neighbour. But the last one really made me think if I should bother. It went like this.

- So what’s up, Catherine?

- I can’t get anything to go from the computer to the printer.

- Everything’s been working up to now?

- Maybe. I don’t know. I’d say so - himself uses it all the time. I never had to use it until today. I’m teaching a night-class in the school this evening and I need to get the materials printed off. It’s kind of urgent.

- Teaching! Well fair play to you. Right, I’ll be over soon. What are you teaching by the way?

- Computers.

While I was plugging the USB lead back in I got thinking and well if Catherine, and fair ball to her I say, can earn beer money teaching then maybe I should do the same. I have a few ideas.

· Bomb disposal 101 - All materials used will be (Irish Republican) army surplus. However a small donation to the cause is requested. To ensure your safety, you understand.

· Inter-Rail preparation course - How to say “it was like that when I got here, officer” in all major European languages.

· Building self confidence - Mentioning placenames such as Muff, Falluja and Ring in female company without blushing. Advanced students will learn how to use a bidet without giggling.

· Writing for children - Why the titles “Splat goes the hamster and other fun microwave games” and “The pop-up book of anatomy” will not sell.

· Organisational skills - Sort your sock drawer using Gestalt principles.

· Successful weight loss - A small fee of €2,500 is payable in advance. You will be provided with a smaller plate, running shoes and a unlimited use of a large mountain.

Half way through the thing, folks. So I’ve come up for air. Two down, two to go. Then finito - that means finished in Soprano. Well there’ll be something else to do, but it’ll be spread over 5 months - call it a t h i i i i i i i i i i i g.

Ah grand, thanks. It’s going grand.

Well except for today. Firstly there was a serious outbreak of construction over at the neighbours. Far enough away that the dog couldn’t see. The last thing I need is for the dog to get done for arseny or whatever biting builders’ bums is called. He’s normally well behaved. Only a few barking tickets to date. Harmless. But when people move about shouting (as builders and boy bands do) he just freaks.

So what was wrong? They had some bloody machine ticking over all morning. Just ticking over. A low slow hum that was driving me and the dog scatty. The postman couldn’t hear it nor could the woman next door. I must have the hearing of a dog. It would explain why I come when called. And the lamppost thing. And why I’m barred from the local shop for sneaking up behind women rummaging about at the bottom of the ice cream freezer.

It was stressing me out big time. So much so that when an ambulance sped past, lights flashing and siren blaring, into a house down the road, I clicked on BreakingNews.ie on the toolbar. When I realised what I’d done I still didn’t come to my senses. All I could think was fek it, I can’t spare the time for a funeral this week of all weeks. Oh, it’s alright, relax, no-one died - Pádraig just went a bit funny again - he’s been like that since the missis ran off with his cousin, Maura.

Sitting outside the Hall of Pain this afternoon waiting to do the thing, I got talking to a hippe type. I enquired, as is compulsory I’m told, what she was studying. Theology and classical music. Nice mix, I said, trying to get a Handel on the Messiah eh? I’ve never been reported to a supervisor by a nun before. No sense of humour some of these god-squad crowd.

Anyway, that’s it for now. I shouldn’t/won’t (probably will though) post again for a week or so. There’s too much happening elsewhere in blogland to keep everyone busy: Kav’s non-post; Sweary’s new style - sporadicism (my new word); Bock’s new site - which is the mutt’s marbles; Eolaí’s losing his cool - and rightly so; Annie’s posting regularly - though she probably doesn’t realise it; Stephen’s (of the god-squad too, but has a great sense of humour) posted for the first time since finding Barack O’Bama’s ancestor; ah, here, just check out my blog-picks thingy.

For the next two weeks there will be a cessation of postings by muggins here. I’ll be back with a vengeance after that, so don’t adjust your set. I have to go do the thing. It being the time of year for doing the thing and all. Thankfully, this will be the last time ever … unless I really screw it up.

I’ll still be checking in on your sites to see what’s happening and I might just do the odd post if something really stirs me. And Mo Rogha will be updated each Sunday morning as per usual.

In the meantime, so you don’t get bored, I’ve set up a Playground where you can hang out and lash comments at each other to your hearts’ content.

I just realised, my return will coincide with polling day! Don’t read too much into that - I’m not taking time out to run for election. Although, that mightn’t be a bad idea  - The hoors who are running are all about as useful as a snooze button on a smoke alarm.

Having promised not to repeat the conversation to the parties concerned, I was asked by Goshia how her new friends, Aisling and Ellen, managed to hold down their jobs seeing as both were illiterate. Ireland, she surmised, was amazingly tolerant of people with serious learning difficulties. The reason for her concern: Text messages she received from them.

Much has been written in the media recently about the rise in usage of text speak in Irish school examinations. This phenomenon is common in most English speaking countries. Scotland and New Zealand, for example, are debating whether it should be permitted in some cases.

But every article I have read about this in the papers misses some important points.

How did text speak originate? SMS was a technology developed without a purpose. There were suggestions that service providers could use it to send customers important information about special offers, for example. When person-to-person SMS became possible in the late 1990’s not even the scientists, the service providers or the phone manufacturers could have predicted how popular it would become. It’s popularity was mainly due to it initially being free of charge. By the time the providers worked out how to charge for it, it had already taken hold. Furthermore, due to very high voice tariffs, it was still a cheaper way to communicate. This perception survives today despite being no longer true.

At that time the manufacturers were playing catch-up. Predictive texting had not yet evolved. Email however, was commonplace. People were used to composing long rambling messages. With SMS being limited to 160 characters, this wasn’t possible. The workaround was to truncate words or spell them phonetically. The English language lends itself to this. Text speak was born.

Today, every handset supports predictive text (T9). Every provider supports concatenated messages. It is just a easy to compose a properly punctuated message with fully spelled words as it is to use text speak. Yet text speak has already taken hold as it is perceived as being faster - another misconception.

What the journalists miss is that text speak is no longer a necessity. Yet they continue to attribute the poor spelling and grammar of our students to mobile phone text messaging. They also blame email, as do the State Examinations Commission. Since when did email every force a user to truncate their message? Since when has a short email been cheaper to send than a long one?

The technologies are being used as a scapegoat to avoid facing up to a dramatic cultural change. Everything now is in bites. Many get their news via sound bites on radio or TV. They scan headlines and don’t read articles. Websites are glanced at and if the content is not displayed in short snippets they are ignored. Yesteryear’s 5 minutes is today’s 5 seconds. I am not arguing if this is good or bad. It is just the way it is. Perhaps it is the way it has to be given that we all suffer from information overload.

The journalists also miss the fact that the education system is itself to blame. Young children are introduced to writing by being encouraged to spell phonetically. Mi mudr nd fadr r grat is totally acceptable. The problem arises when they are being taught correct spelling and grammar. They have to re-learn a skill they have already mastered. In any field, at any age, with any level of ability, it is far more difficult to learn a new method of doing a task you are already competent in. But this difficulty is compounded by trying to retrain older children in a skill they have acquired at their most formative age.

If technology is to bear some blame then so be it. Spell checkers, for example, may not pick up whether you intended to type through, true or the American thru. But should they have to? Is it not the purpose of the education system to teach this? Spell checkers are intended as an aid and only an aid.

My greatest fear is for when our students enter into the arenas of business, science or technology where English is the internationally accepted language and where almost all communication is written. Will they survive when competing against their peers with excellent standards of written English in growing economies such as India, China and Eastern Europe?

This week, Din-do ran an article by Kim Bielenberg about literacy levels amongst Irish students. He quoted economist Moore McDowell (yeah, yer man’s brother) who described some of his own students as barely semi-literate.

Dr. Martin O’Grady was also quoted: It is a big problem. Many students don’t even put capital letters at the start of sentences. They don’t know the difference between ‘their’ and ‘there’. They mix up ‘quiet’ with ‘quite’, and ‘being’ and ‘been’. (Sounds to me like Mr. Anonymous who comments regularly on all our blogs).

I am far from being a grammatical purist and don’t try to be, but I do try to use it’s-its, you’re-your and there-their correctly and I know where the shift key is.

As most of you know, I am a mature (read old) student. So I can bear witness to these poor standards. Luckily most of the group projects I have done have been with Chinese and Indian nationals, who write excellent English, so I have been spared the angst of having to collaborate on technical papers with illiterate Irish students.

However, I can also bear witness to another instance of illiteracy that Kim failed to mention. That of the lecturers. Of the six I had this academic year, only two knew the basics, such as the difference between there and their. If these lecturers were recently qualified Ph.D.’s or junior staff they could possibly be categorised as students, but they weren’t. Not that this would be an excuse.

So Kim, the next time you are interviewing Mr. McDowell and Dr. O’Grady, ask them about their colleagues too.