Some bar staff should never set foot behind a counter.  We all know that.  They probably know it themselves.  Publicans know it too, but hire them anyway probably because they simply can’t get anyone else.

My local has two such staff.  Both part-timers.  Both work full-time in customer service type roles.  You’d expect them to make great drunkard’s labourers.  But they are quite the opposite.  I’m guessing that the few weekend hours in the pub are just a diversion.  A chance to catch up on gossip with the other staff while earning a few quid.  A break from the weekday’s travail of dealing with customers who have to be treated with respect.  Pub clientele are not real customers.  They are just folks who are going to whinge anyway so feck them!  So what if I get sacked.  It’s not a real job and I don’t really need the money.

This weekend I arrived into my local.  “Hope you’re not looking for drink.  The Two are on”, I was told.  They were huddled in a corner chatting away.  Pleas for service were ignored.  A full ten minutes passed and still no joy.  I tried again.  “I’m serving someone else. Just wait”.

“No, you’re fecking not. You’re sitting there mouthing with her. Now will one of ye get off her arse and put me on a pint like you’re paid to do”.

This scene, in one form or another, is played out every weekend.  But this time it took a twist.

“You don’t treat the new barmaid like this.  Oh, yeah, you fawn all over her because she’s blond and pretty.  You don’t like us because we’re not as good looking as her.  Typical man”.

“No.  I don’t like you because you’re as useful as tits on a bull and you’re more interested in nattering than doing the job you’re paid to do. And I’ve never met the new barmaid, but if she can do the job that you two obviously can’t, then get her in here and you fek off home.  I don’t care if she looks like Jade Goody as long as she can pull pints”.

I was backed up by a cheer from the other patrons.  I felt vindicated.  But we all had to wait 15minutes for our next drink. 20 for the following.

The publican got an earful on arrival but could only offer the excuse of not being able to get staff.  We know that.  The problem is The Two know it too.  Ireland’s pub culture is dying, but not for the reasons the media would have us believe.