This has been languishing in drafts for a long time. I was going to leave it there until it jumped up and clocked me on the shins like the footrests of a blackbelt’s wheelchair. Bear with me – after this, there’s only one more. I don’t know when I’ll be able to face into writing [...]
The holiday makers arrived home from not-Galway at the weekend. I made sure their cat and Gold Finger, the fish, looked well fed and content (using drugs and a stomach pump). They knew their bath was to be used for a project at some point, but they didn’t know it already had been used. In [...]
I played with the Cat for hours yesterday. Great craic. I think the Cat enjoyed it too. Pretending it had voice control was fun too – “Yo! Back, Ho” for reverse and so on. A large area has been cleared and graded off, ready for the bouncy slug/train/whatever and some fancy concert-like fake grass will [...]
And so there was to be a party. A big one. There would be people there from far and wide. Far meaning a husband and wife from Spain. Wide meaning an aunt Maggie and her arse. Would I like to help with the preparations? Help meaning receive a long list of tasks and complete them [...]
Listen, Sneezy, I was wondering … I hate it when it starts like that. That usually means I’m about to asked to do something soul destroying like go to Boots and pick her up a jar of Wrinkle-Eze™. And I can’t find it on the shelf. And I have to get help. And they snigger [...]
The EU has an E-number for everything from calcium carbonate (chalk) [Source: Wikipedia] to Mycoxafailin (Viagra) [Source: OBB News]. I propose a system of W-numbers for those employers who are wankers to work for. Here is a small sample from my own past experience to illustrate this. W101: I was 14 years old. Myself and [...]
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