You’ve probably realised from the title and some previous stories that I take the P out of the postman quite a bit. Sometimes I get the upper hand, sometimes I don’t.
Why is that? you may ask. Well, I may tell you, we grew up together and have been playing practical jokes on each other since we could walk and slagging each other since we could talk.
I was invited to his wedding. A blacktie affair the invitation said. Well it was for me and no one else. I stood out like a right dick in my monkey suit. I got him back for that the week he came home from the honeymoon - he came out one morning to find “Just Married” sprayed on the post van in shaving foam and a clatter of tins cans tied to the back. He was half way through his round when someone pointed out the banner trailing from the aerial - “I got my first ride”.
For months now he’s been at me to put a postbox at the entrance. For months now I’ve been putting it off just to bug him.
I relented last week and bought one. But I couldn’t hang it on my own, so I figured who better to help me than the man who would use it most. On Friday he held it while I bolted it on. He even got to pick the spot it went. I thanked him most profusely: That’s grand. You won’t be coming into the yard annoying me now.
Yesterday I seen him pass by the window. A knock on the door. I ignored it. He came to the window.
Open the door, ya bollix ya.
How do I know it’s you?
You can see me, for feck sake.
Not good enough. Have you ID? And anyway, the postman always knocks twice.
He knocked on the door again and I opened it.
Would ya not use that grand postbox I bought ya?
I have a parcel. Won’t fit. Why didn’t ya get a decent size one?
Me? Me? You’re blaming me? Shur it was you put it up.
I did not. You did.
No I didn’t. As sure as the dog’s me witness, I seen ya. I was standing there right beside ya on when you put it up. Not my fault you put up a box that’s too small.
I noticed something protruding for the box later. He’d gone and stuffed it full of advertising leaflets.
I left them in it. We’ll see what happens today.
Turns out it’s a partnership of two very young looking gurus. The website lists “Business Development ,Team Performance , Time Management ,Sales & Marketing ,Advertising ,Website SEO, Costs,Finance ,Cash flow” as areas they can help in. Obviously they don’t help with writing copy.
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